The Senses Series
by Redmoon124
Summary: Sequel To The Storm Series. Maura and Jane have to deal with the aftermath.
1. The Senses Series

The Continuation of 'The Storm Series.' Please read first, otherwise you won't know what is going on.

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><p>The Senses Series.<p>

Sight

Sound

Touch

Smell

Taste


	2. Sight

No fringes, no ponytails. No infringement. Don't own them, Can't rent them. All my own imagination, but the characters belong to their rightful owners.

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><p>Previously in Rizzoli and Isles.<p>

_Taking a deep breath, holding it deep, she places her hand on the handle, turning it, pulling the door inward and open..._

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><p><span><strong>Sight<strong>

Her hand tightens, fingers contracting like spider legs cocooning the metal. For a moment everything stops, no breath, no heart beat, no anything. All there is before her is a stir of leaves, dancing shadows across the pathway. Her breath stutters to life, heart restarting. Head turning left, right. Eyes are taking in information, cornea and lens focusing light, bending it, sending the rays to the retina behind, brain translating the image. But she doesn't believe what it is telling her. Her gaze is franticly searching. Iris contracts, the pupil expanding, letting in more light, focus information, the process resending. But it makes no difference, the translation is the same. She cannot see what is not there... Jane has gone.

She stumbles, hand holding the handle as if her life depended on it. She'd been so sure... How? What? Why? She's blinking, the reflex staccato, images flickering like an old film, everything monochrome. Black and white, edges blurred. The weight of realization falls like an sepia veil, blinding in its intensity.

It hurts, it hurts so much. She was wrong. The logic was right, she should have believed in it instead of what ifs, she knows better. She turns away, closing the door, leaning back against it. Hand going to her chest, she knows it's impossible her palm can feel her heart breaking, for a moment it does. Her head bows, mouth opening on a sob. A sudden crash makes her jump, mouth snapping shut, sob cutting off into a hiccup of shock. Another thud sends her eyes to the direction it came... outside.

''Shit... god damn it!''

The voice travels through her, she freezes. Brain relaying messages, none getting through. She can only stare at the direction of the back door. Not believing what she heard. It couldn't be?

''Grumffffff.''

Oh god... Hope flares. She's moving, feet fast, body tipping to keep up. Hand cushioning her stop as she reaches the back door in a rush. Fingers fumbling with the lock, commands confused... Unlock, handle, open...Jane here. Unlock... Unlock you damn... She finally gets it free, wrenching the door inward so hard it nearly knocks the side of her face. Stepping quickly out, head turning, blinking to focus through the darkness. She knows that voice, that curse, she knows. Please... please. ''Jane?... Jane!''

''Ow...''

Her head jerks left. She moves, ignoring the fact her slippers are getting ruined by the wet grass. She's there in less than a second. Mouth opening, words aren't there. She needs to see, to confirm. But the area is to dark, the shadows bleeding into each other. An outline, denser... Jane. Air enters her lungs again. She wants to reach and touch, but she can't, her limbs aren't obeying. The shift from despair to hope has left her senses reeling.

''Hi again.''

Jane's voice is tentative, sheepish. Maura has to clench at her robe, needing something, anything to tether to. ''Wwwhat are you doing?''

''Stupid pot ambushed me.''

Her eyes go to the wall then down to Jane. ''You climbed the wall?''

''Yeah, kinda of.''

''You fell off?''

''No, I fell in this damn thing. I managed the wall just fine.''

Maura wants to laugh, a laugh so rich and deep, she can feel it like warmth in her chest pushing to be free. But instead she bites it back. She's afraid if she starts it won't stop, turn into something insane. ''Are... are you hurt?''

''I fell on my ass.''

''Coccyx.''

''Gesundheit.''

She jerks, surprised, amusement bubbling, but it's compressed beneath so much. Even in the limited light Maura can see Jane's embarrassment. ''Your tail bone. It is possibly bruised. Can you stand?''

Jane stands, eyes avoiding. ''Nothing wrong with my legs. Just my ass.''

Maura crosses her arms. Tempering the anxiety building. ''What exactly were you going to do?''

''I didn't think further than getting over the wall. Then I'd wing it.''

She's breathing again, the weight lifting. The world coming back into focus. ''You were going to break and enter my premises?''

Jane jerks. ''What? no... I... ''

''You?'' she's intrigued what exactly Jane was going to do. Kick the door in, ride in on her white steed and save the damsel. She has to look down to hide the embarrassment of the image that brings.

Jane shakes her head, scratching at her neck. ''Look... You closing the door in my face pissed me off. I wasn't thinking.''

Maura takes a deep breath. The urge to argue is on the tip of her tongue. Anger is still very much within. ''I...''

Jane cuts her off. ''But, you got the right to slam it in my face.''

''Have.'' the correction is out before she can stop it.

''Huh? Have I what?''

''You have a right. Not you got.'' Maura relaxes, taking in the light and shadow of Jane's face. This feels so right, this banter. She looks away. The breeze on her face feeling like a caress of normality.

Jane snorts. ''Shit... I missed you doing that.''

Maura returns her gaze. Even in the darkness she knows Jane is studying her. It's intense, focused, no mirth. She wonders what Jane sees? If Jane can see beyond this anger rippling... See the fear... See her.

Jane looks away, rubbing the mud from her hands. ''I said I wasn't going anywhere, and I mean it. I didn't think beyond getting in the back garden. Wanted to see if you'd really just gone to bed and left it like that...''

Maura looks down. She can't say anything, she very nearly did leave it like that. Jane's laugh brings her gaze up.

''I would of just plastered my face to the window like an orphan and given you my most pitiful look, if I thought it would work.''

''I... I opened the front door.'' it blurts out on a breath. All she can see is the whites of Jane's eyes. They stand out, vibrant, aura's in the darkness.

''You... you did?''

''Yes.'' now she feels shy, exposing to much. She folds her hands together, holding the shaking.

''Just to be clear... You opened it looking for me? Or just to check I'd gone?''

Maura shakes her head. ''I could have used the peep hole to assess if you were still there, Jane. I opened it looking for you.''

There is silence between them. It's a gaping abyss, showing exactly how far apart they are from their friendship. Words were always easy, now they're heavy weights. Fear of saying the wrong thing making it harder. Jane as always is the brave one, she breaks the silence.

''Why? I mean you were pretty clear you wanted me gone.''

''I know.'' She chews her bottom lip. She wants to ask so much. But part of her is terrified of the answers. She looks up, meeting Jane's eyes... waiting.

''So? Should I climb back over the wall before you call the cops on me?''

It isn't said in fun. It makes her flinch. 'I deserved that.''

Jane's exhale is long and tired. ''No, you didn't. You haven't deserved anything I've done to you.''

''I'm sorry... I called you a trespasser.'' she means it, she said it to hurt.

Jane just shakes her head. ''God... Maura. You have nothing to apologies for.''

''Come inside.'' Jane's hopeful face makes it worth the feeling of terror at asking. ''Just come inside.'' Maura turns before she over thinks. Resisting the urge to make sure Jane is following. She kicks off her sodden slippers once inside. Moving to the fuse box. She's had enough of darkness.

Jane's voice breaks into the silence, half amused. ''What? Just one light didn't do it?''

Maura exhales in relief that she'd followed. She's blinking in the raw light. ''I wasn't thinking. I just... I just wanted you...''

Jane interrupts. ''… gone?''

She wishes sometimes she could lie. ''Yes.''

Jane toes off her boots. Brushing down her jeans to get the worst of the mud off. ''Okay. I'm not knocking the fact you want me here. But I gotta know what changed?''

Maura isn't ready yet. She moves to the kitchen ''Do you want a drink?''

''Yeah coffee, and before you start. After the night I've had, caffeine isn't the thing that's going to keep me awake.''

Maura concentrates on getting the coffee ready. Fully aware Jane is watching. She can always tell, it's a sixth sense of awareness. She clicks the machine on, getting down the cups. Stealing a side glance, watching as Jane takes her normal seat at the island. Jane is nervous, all the signs are there. She's pulling at her hands, looking around, anywhere but at her. Maura takes a breath, turning, waiting for Jane to look at her. It doesn't take long and she sees so much. Jane is afraid. ''You asked what changed?''

Jane's nod is slow, weary.

''It changed because, because you gave me a second chance once.''

Confusion flashes across Jane's face. ''Huh? When?''

Maura keeps her gaze fixed, wanting Jane to know the truth of this, of the why. ''After the way I treated you... When you shot Patrick.'' She waits, it doesn't take long, watching as Jane fidgets, uncomfortable with the subject.

''Oh... Well, I...''

She cuts Jane off, knowing it will be a denial. ''Yes you did... I knew what I was doing, saying. I continued to hurt you and didn't stop and you forgave me... You took a chance, allowing me back into your life.''

''Hey, come on. We both said stuff. We dealt with it... It's past.''

Maura shakes her head. ''It's never really past... It's just another scar. All be it one that can't be seen.'' She notices the way Jane's eyes dip briefly to the scar on her neck, before looking up to meet her eyes.

''Maura... We got through it. You didn't hurt me because you made a mistake, you were lashing out because of what I did. Dean... The whole crap situation. I understood it. Besides I missed you to damn much... If anyone was given a chance, it was me.''

She doesn't like the fact Jane is taking all the blame. But she knows arguing about it will get her no where. ''I acted abdominally... but you still wanted to be my friend. If I deserved a chance, so do you.''

''I'm always your friend, even if you think I'm not. It wasn't your fault, none of this is either. I screwed up, then and now. I'm sorry, Maura.''

Sometimes she really does want to shake the living daylights out of Jane. Self sacrificing, stubborn... But this Jane before her, isn't one she's really seen before. She's nervous, scared, yes. But the vulnerability she sees is raw. Even the parts she has seen because of Hoyt. This is a new side, deeper. The click of the coffee machine breaks her stare and her thoughts. She turns away. Needing the time to regroup, steel herself for what she's about to ask. She quickly prepares both coffees. Finished, she passes Jane's across.

''Thanks.'' Jane takes a long sip. ''God, I needed that.''

Maura just cups her mug, taking warmth from it. She knows she's staring but she can't help it.

''Do I have a milk moustache or something?''

She lets it pass, knowing it's Jane's way of coping, humour. She takes a sip of coffee before speaking. ''I'm ready to listen. Really listen to you and... and try to understand why?''

Jane stands, coffee in hand, walking towards the couch. ''Okay... Let's talk... But I need something soft on my coccyxeys... You know what... I'm not saying that again. It's just plain wrong.''

Maura can't help it she laughs, it's tired, scared, pulled from her without permission. The small smile Jane flashes, loosens the knot in her chest. She gives a tentative smile back. She chooses the chair, sitting. Noticing the flash of hurt before Jane looks away. She wishes she could sit there, like always side by side, but she needs the distance to be able to get through this.

She knows nothing is simply black and white, right or wrong. Everything has a reason. Thinking Jane had left had changed everything to grey. But now as her eyes meet Jane's, she finally can see colours again.

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><p>Tbc<p>

Thank you all as always. Hope you have enjoyed and I am forgiven for leaving you hanging like Tom Cruise in a Mission Impossible movie.

Tc x


	3. Sound

Not mine. Just using and abusing. Will put them back when finished.

Continuation of 'Senses'

Jane POV

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><p><strong>Sound<strong>

All she can hear is breathing, uneven, heavy. Her lungs rattle with it; inhale sharp, exhale dull, tired. Nerves, every single one is sparking needles under her skin. She feels like she did the first day on the beat, buzzing with the possibility of danger, screwing up, not backing up her partner, failing. But there was also the excitement, the challenge, doing it right. Just like now, she screws up that's it. But, if she does it right she'll have a chance. She breathes, heartbeat in her ears, the drum of it thumping into a headache in her temples. God, she's tired, emotional, physically. Her scars hurt, every muscle protesting the tension rippling. She can't screw this up, she won't.

She sips coffee, forcing it down, tongue like it doesn't belong. She won't look up, she can't not until she can sort through all the crap. Still blown away at the fact she's here, Maura let her in. She was convinced that was it when the door slammed in her face. Went right around the back and climbed the wall without thinking. She shifts on the couch, fully aware of the tenderness on her ass. She really did land like an elephant in that dumb pot. Who the hell buys something that looks like its been found in a tomb? She laughs inside her head. Because the one person in the world who would buy something like that, is sitting, waiting opposite. Only Maura would find beauty in something that ugly.

She sighs, sipping again. She's stalling and she knows it. She hears Maura breathe, even, slow. It amazes her Maura can be calm right now. But she knows if she looks, Maura is just using the steel control she has, walls in layers. What's worse is she put them there. She gulps the coffee, wincing as heat hits palette. She rubs at her forehead. How does she explain everything?

She hears the shift of silk, knowing Maura crossed her legs, a sign she's getting inpatient. She just wants to close her eyes and listen, breath, movement. She's done it secretly before, listened to everything Maura. The little tut when something isn't making sense. The low hum, when something does. The damn cutest squeak ever, when she's excited. But the sound that gets her every damn time, sets her spine straight, hairs up, body at full attention... Maura's heels. Approaching, leaving, didn't matter the result was the same. Click, click, click, like a tumbler on a safe. Click, click. click, looking for the combination. If only Maura knew, those heels had cracked the code on her long ago.

She wants to slap herself silly, all these years. She shakes her head. Thought Casey was it, all she could have. Then Maura exposed so much, left her reeling, she still is. She feels totally insane. Her insides twist... She's got nothing, no idea how to fix this because the only reason this happened, was she was terrified, didn't believe. It's building again, swirling, hissing like a snake, the fear.

''If you are going to leave. Please just do it.''

She jerks, eyes shooting up. ''Wh... Why would you say that?''

''You are displaying the same characteristics you did that night. Panic, extreme anxiety... the need to flee... We both know how it ended.''

Annoyance flares. She slams the mug down. ''This is hard enough without you doing your reading people thingy.''

''I wouldn't need to, if you'd just talk instead of sitting there growling.''

She was growling?

''… You make it sound like I'm doing a circus trick!''

Maura's snap, makes the words stick in her throat. She sucks in air. Letting her gaze hold, seeing the hurt for so many things in the expression opposite. ''Okay, okay... I don't think it's a trick, I know it's scientific and proven and you had to study and learn... I do listen.''

''When you want to.''

Her jaw clenches. ''Jesus. Is everything I say going to get turned around to bite me?''

''No... I... no.''

Both of them are sorry for so many things. She rubs her hands together, the action calming. ''Look... I know we're both tired... I don't want to go, but I will. I'll come back tomorrow or the next day... Whenever you want me to?'' Her stomach is in knots, waiting. Finally Maura looks up at her.

''I don't want you to go.''

She exhales everything. ''Thank you.''

''I don't know what we can achieve... I'm willing to listen and I would much rather get it over with now.''

She winces. ''I don't want to get over it.''

''It was a figure of speech. I want to understand what this means? You being here now.''

''I'm here because I made a mistake. I honestly don't know what the hell it's going to sound like... But believe one thing... I'm not going to run.'' She can tell Maura doesn't believe her. ''I'm not... Am I panicked? Hell, yes... Am I anxious? That too. Not for the reasons you think. I don't want to make this worse, I want to fix this... us.'' She takes a deep breath, noticing Maura is listening, her body relaxing. It helps. ''I just don't know what to say, I really don't.'' She runs a hand through her hair. ''It's all going to sound like excuses... or not even make sense. I mean... I don't want to screw us up more. But I'm not going to avoid it, any of it. It's a mess and I caused it.''

She watches as Maura takes a deep breath. She can see she's thinking, the concentration evident. Finally Maura meets her eyes again.

''Just tell me what you are thinking now?''

She exhales in relief. ''I can do that... Right now, if I say the wrong thing, I'll fuck this up and that will be it.''

''Telling me the truth isn't going to be the wrong thing. The main problem with us is we do not talk about things that really matter... we never have.''

''You mean I don't?'' She needs something to do with her hands, she reaches and picks the coffee up again.

''I'm guilty of it too. If I had discussed with you my growing feeling at the beginning. I don't believe either of us would be in the mess we are in.''

''Okay. We both suck at talking.'' She rubs a sweaty palm down her jeans. ''I should not have said yes to Casey. It was wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I ran.''

''Why did you?''

''I was totally freaked in the car... I... I just... Jesus, Maura, you hit me out of left field.''

''Left field?''

The confused look, makes her smile. ''It means out of nowhere.'' The scoff she hears wipes it off her face.

''Are you honestly sitting there telling me you had no idea how I felt about you? None?''

She knows if she says no, she's lying to some degree. At the beginning she thought she saw want, want for her. Her lips thin, remembering what put a stop to that. ''You didn't want to sleep with me.'' it blurts out without permission sounding like a pouting child.

Maura just stares, blinking. She waits knowing Maura will make the connection. She doesn't have to wait long.

''Are you' referring to our conversation about Giovanni two years ago?''

That shouldn't make her blush, but it does. ''Yeah...You said, 'of course not.' So that was pretty much that on me thinking you were interested in me.''

''Jane...''

Her name is said in exasperation. She's pretty sure only her can make Maura sound that way. ''All I'm trying to say is why I didn't know. I thought I did, I thought I saw something... You don't lie.'' She shrugs.

Maura's exhale is filled with frustration. ''If you had asked was I attracted to you I would have said yes.''

Her insides flutter. Feeling the slight blush starting again. ''So... So you did want me? You lied.''

''I did not lie. Having sex with you would have jeopardized our friendship. For the first time I had a real friend, Jane. You meant more to me than giving into my lust.''

Her breathing stutters. To much warmth everywhere. ''Right. Okay then...''

''Wait!''

She looks up surprised at the out burst, finding Maura closer as she leans forward in the chair.

''Are you saying you would have had sex with me?''

She'd walked right into that one. She can feel her face reddening before she even speaks. ''Ah... Maybe.'' It's almost comical the way Maura's mouth falls opens and she slumps back. She has to bite her lip to not laugh.

''Shit!''

Both eyebrows shoot up, this time she can't stop the laugh. She can almost see Maura's mind working. All the missed possibility, all the lost time. ''I... I was kinda disappointed when you said no.''

''You are so confusing. The look on your face when you asked was fear.''

She can't deny it. ''Yeah. I was scared you say yes, and scared you say no.'' Her spine straightens as Maura tilts her head. She knows the question coming next is gonna be a good one.

''Have you had sex with a woman?''

She jerks so hard the coffee spills. Which is good because her body just went off the scales in heat. ''God, you just can't ask...'' she shakes her hand free of coffee, wiping her fingers on her jeans. ''Isn't that kinda of mute point now?''

''Perhaps... But I am still asking.''

''Fine...Okay, no.''

''Wanted a woman?''

''Just, just you. Only had thoughts about you like that.'' She swallows the coffee in a gulp. Needing to do something with her mouth. She really needs to shut the hell up.

''I see.''

She swallows hard. ''What about you? I know you said sexuality is fluent, so I'm guessing, yes.''

''I have admired women. Wanted them sexually. But no. I've never been fully with one.''

She files away the 'fully' comment for later. Kinda relieved she's not the only virgin in this. ''Okay... What else do you want to know?''

''I think we need to talk about all of it. Things that were never said, Jane. If we had talked like this years ago, maybe we wouldn't be in this position now.''

''You don't believe in what ifs or maybes.''

''In this scenario I do. If you don't want to talk about everything, I really don't see the point.''

She stiffens. ''Hey... That sounded like an ultimatum.''

Maura stands so fast, she sits back in response.

''It was not. I am not Casey!''

She can only blink. ''What the hell is that supposed to mean?''

''Never mind.''

She's resisting the urge to stand and get in Maura's face. Her own anger spiking. ''Oh no. You can't just say that and never mind me.'' She watches as Maura chews her lip, knowing she's holding back. ''I thought we were going to speak the truth?''

''Fine... His proposal to you was an ultimatum. Marry me or I return to the army. Afghanistan front line was it not? That is an ultimatum, Jane. So do not ever compare me to that man. The way he has treated you in the past, for whatever reason can be justified to some degree. But a marriage proposal given in such a way is just plain wrong.''

Her teeth are gritting together, watching as Maura turns away from her. She's about to argue, but her own thoughts snap her mouth shut. She breathes through her nose until she can speak. ''You're right, it was.''

''What?''

''It was. I'm not defending him, but it's his way, always has been.'' She shakes her head, looking down. ''And you're nothing like him. So I'm sorry. If we need to talk about every little thing that's happened we will. I haven't listened before... or, well, I chose not to...'' She looks up, meeting guarded green eyes. ''I'm not hiding from you any more.''

Maura stares, until she gives a curt nod, sitting. ''I'm listening.''

She exhales. ''I never thought I had a chance with you. Didn't think you were interested at all in that way. The times I thought I saw differently, I fobbed it off as you being you... You dated guys. You were, are my best friend and that was enough. I'm not even going to get into what the hell I was thinking at the time, because it didn't freak me out I was attached to you. It just didn't matter... What mattered was our friendship, just like you it means everything to me. So, I stopped looking...'' She takes a deep breath, her insides swirling. ''Then... then you kissed me and told me you were in love with me and I just... everything just stopped. I felt like I just got whacked on the head, nothing made sense, nothing...''

''You kissed me back. Are you going to deny it?''

The whole memory comes back, the sounds, the hum, the heat that infused her. Sweet god... the taste. She flushes scarlet, looking down. ''A... I …...''

''That's two vowels, Jane. Would you like to add consonants and make a complete sentence?''

She coughs a laugh, caught. ''A joke... now...really?''

''I thought it was needed.''

She shakes her head. ''Damn... You do that, you know. You make me laugh all the time. Even when I've had the worst day ever. When I'm mad as hell. Shit, even Frost sends me to you to calm me down... Because you do... You do something or say something and I can't even remember what the hell I was angry at...'' She looks up, meeting surprised eyes. Her voice is soft now, trying to convey how amazed she is by this. ''No one else can do that. You make me a better cop because of it. A... a better person too.''

''I... I do?''

It saddens her Maura has no idea what having her in her life has done. ''Yeah you do... I hear you in my head sometimes... I don't mean in a freaky way... I'll see something and hear you spouting off science... makes me look at it differently...'' She sighs. ''... I guess you don't know a lot of what you do for me... or to me.''

Maura looks sharply at her.

''I know I don't say things.'' She plays with her hands. ''…. stuff that matters... Like how having you in my life means so much... How I look forward to seeing you every single morning... Working with you is fun, when I'd gotten used to it being shit. I don't tell you that. I don't tell you the important things...'' She exhales noise.''I try to do things, show in a different way... I think I do?'' Her brow furrows. ''I'm crap at saying what I feel.''

''I know.''

She snorts at Maura's honesty. ''I guess that's why you have to do the people reading thingy, to even have a clue what's going on in my head?''

''I study everyone Jane. You know I find it difficult to judge what people mean. Studying them, helps me... usually not to make a fool of myself.''

Jane frowns.

''However, you are very complex. I needed the extra insight. At times it has helped me correctly interpret what you require. As I have gotten to know you, it has also aided me in understanding and seeing the person beneath... I believe I have gotten to know you more than you have let anyone before.''

A smile twitches. ''Yeah... You know me better than I know myself sometimes...'' She takes a breath. ''Is... is that how you knew I...?''

''Yes.''

She bites her lip, feeling like a teenager. ''Was I that obvious?''

''If you were that obvious I would have reacted differently when you asked me if I wanted to sleep with you two years ago. Back then I saw nothing which showed me you were interested in me at all. I now think that is because I did not know you... You only showed me certain things. That came later, much later. I study human nature. Physical responses. The ones everyone has are very easy to interrupt... Anger... joy... sadness... embarrassment... excitement... Arousal.''

She swallows hard as Maura's eyes come up slowly meeting hers. Her gaze drops to Maura's lips as she licks them. She has to look away.

''With you it took being with you daily to see and understand. You hide so much, Jane. When I did notice you admiring my body on various occasions...''

She shifts on the couch, uncomfortable for more than one reason. Maura's heavy sigh, brings her gaze back up.

''I didn't dare broach the subject with you... As I have said many times, our friendship means a lot to me.''

She nods. ''When did it change?''

''It is very hard to pin point. Various things shifted my attention to you. But you would do one thing, but say something different. I constantly questioned what I had thought I'd seen. But it repeated to many times to be... a fluke. For me, the first time I looked at you as more than a friend, was just after Tommy tried to kiss me and I stopped him.''

She squeaked. ''He did what!'' Maura glare shuts her up.

''I told myself I refused him because having sex with him would ruin our friendship. You were adamant I should not sleep with him.''

She winced. ''It wasn't that?''

''No... It was your reaction that made me look at mine. I simply didn't want to sleep with him. Which made me question why? He is good looking, very athletic, his bone and muscle structure are amazing. His stamina in bed would be quite...''

She swallowed hard, waving a hand. ''Okay, okay, ewwwwww. I get it.'' Maura's smile makes her heart flutter, she hasn't seen it for so long.

''He isn't you. That is why I didn't sleep with him.''

Her jaw drops.

''That's when I had to accept my feeling for you had grown beyond the bounds of friendship. I made a choice to say nothing, do nothing. It terrified me I would lose you if I expressed my deeper feelings. But it also made me look at you differently, rethink if what I thought I seen before was correct. But you did as you always do. You withdrew, closed off. You are extremely frustrating.''

''I'm really that bad?''

''It's how you are. I understand the reasons why on some level. But it makes it very difficult to believe what you are doing, when you say the complete opposite.''

''Like how I ran?'' She plays with a thread on her jeans.

''No. Your actions and words were in perfect agreement.''

She looks up, hearing the pain. It makes her want to fall to her knees and beg forgiveness.

''Over time, I knew you felt deeply for me, but were not going to say or do anything about it... So I decided your friendship was enough. I didn't know how hard it would be either.'' Maura shakes her head. ''You asked how I knew?''

She nods.

''It's how you react.''

She frowns. ''I react?''

Maura nods. ''To every person I have dated. You find faults. You become very interested, but fain disinterest.''

She bristles, the words to close to the truth. ''You really going there? Because your choice in men isn't exactly stellar.''

''My judgement aside... I had to look at the reason why, you would be this way? Of course you were being protective. But the more I watched, I began to realise you were and are jealous of anyone I am seeing in a romantic or sexual nature. For you to be jealous meant the feelings I had seen and dismissed were real. Tonight your reaction to James proves my point.''

She laughs, and it's bitter. ''Right... because finding him here and not knowing who the hell he was, stinking of booze. My reaction of course couldn't be anything but jealousy... Not fucking concern.''

''Deflection.''

She grits her teeth. ''If you say so, you're obviously right as always.''

''Defensive.''

She straightens. ''Enough. I get it. ''

''Do you? Because what comes next is denial, anger, then you leave. It's how you repeat.''

This time she's more than annoyed. She stands. ''If I'm that fucked up, why the hell do you even bother with me?''

''Because you are also loyal, honourable, big hearted. Would do anything to protect the people you love.''

She scoffs, pacing. ''You make me sound like a golden retriever.''

''Don't do that. You are an amazing woman, Jane... Even if I weren't in love with you. I still would still believe so.''

She stops, jerking her head around to just stare. Stomach doing somersaults. Mouth falling open.

''Jane?''

''You... you just slip that in, without blinking. Like it's nothing.'' The words are swirling within. Touching like a pinball, lighting her up.

''It isn't the first time I've said it and it's hardly nothing.''

''Yeah...'' It's everything. But she can't say it. Not yet. It would be wrong, throwing it back when her actions haven't shown it. Maura's long sigh, brings her gaze back.

''Honestly, Jane. Did you think I'd simply changed my mind?''

Her eyes dip to Maura's hands, they're wringing together. The only sign Maura is distressed. She hears it again, thundering heartbeat in her ears. ''No, no of course not.''

''That it had stopped because you hurt me?''

She wants to cry. ''I wouldn't blame you if you did.''

''Love doesn't cease to exist because it hurts. I'm in love with you. But I am not stupid. I have listened to my heart twice... Both times I have ended up hurt very badly... I won't so easily let it rule me again.''

It's killing her she's now the same as Ian. ''Maura...'' Her words cut short as Maura stands, tying her robe. Face blank, emotions cut off from her again.

''No. I don't see how any of this can work. You won't even acknowledge your feelings. I think it's time you go.''

She's following. ''No... Wait... Maura. I …... I...'' She stalls as Maura swings around.

''You what? Tell me, please just tell me? I can't keep doing this.''

She wants to grab her, pull her close. ''You're right. All of it... Everything... I was jealous, am.''

''Why?''

''Because I...'' Her words won't work.

''You cannot even say it.''

She hates being pushed, cornered. ''I'm fucking terrified here.''

''Exactly what are you so scared of? That you're gay? That your family won't accept? Your friends? Help me understand? I know you care, I know it. I see, I've seen it... you want me.''

Old wounds answer. The teasing, the abuse. Dyke. Dyke. She can hear it in her head. ''You're the only woman I've ever looked at... I don't even know what that makes me. I trust Ma loves me no matter what... As for anyone else I don't give a shit.''

''Then what!?''

She's shouting back. ''Of believing in it! In you...'' She sucks air. Quietening her voice. Seeing the disbelief in front of her. ''It totally blows me away that you love me, want me... Jesus, Maura...I'm a cop. I didn't even go to collage... You spend more on shoes than I earn in a week. You're way out of my league. I don't fit into your world.''

''I am not that shallow. You think I give a shit about the class system. As for my world, Jane. Need I remind you I'm miserable in it.''

''I don't belong there, Maura.'' she hates she sounds so timid.

''Neither do I... Are saying my money, my upbringing is the issue here?''

''I knew you had money, but I didn't know the person you were, what you become. All the things that make us so different.'' She shakes her head.

''Are you finding everything that makes us incompatible? Or just finding excuses for your actions because what you have is ridiculous.''

She answers, voice low. ''I'm trying to tell you why I ran. It may sound like excuses or stupid but they're my insecurities when it comes to you... My fears.''

''You don't think I have fears? Knowing the way I am. Knowing the problems I have with emotions... To be included in your world, the insecurities I have? You don't think I was terrified to tell you. I have just as many if not more fears than you can imagine.''

She wants to scream. ''I'm not trying to compete to see who has the bigger ones... You asked me and I'm telling you. I know how much it took for you to tell me... it's another reason I hate myself right now...'' She slams a palm down onto her thigh, leaving both stinging. ''I broke your fucking heart... You might be able to forgive me. But I know I'm never going to forgive myself for hurting you like this... and if I could take it back I would.''

''Would you?''

Her eyes come up so fast, Maura's image jitters. ''God yes. I couldn't think... You don't get it, when you said it in the car, then kissed me. I wanted so much to just hold on and not let go. But all I could think was why? Why now? Because of Casey? I didn't know what that meant. That now you wanted me, not yesterday, not last week, not before this... it all came back, all the crap and I just needed to get out to think, but the more I did the more it made no sense.''

''But that doesn't explain you going straight to him and saying yes.''

She hangs her head in shame. ''No. it doesn't. I told you it wouldn't make sense. I did something totally fucking stupid.''

''Tell me. Jane. What excuses did you give yourself to be able to send me away the second time?''

She can hear the break in Maura's voice. Her eyes slip closed as she remembers that day. It hurts. ''I didn't give myself excuses... I was to scared to believe. I gave him my word. I, I had to honour it and I know that sounds fucking weak. He told Ma... She was so happy. I was suddenly in this place and I thought I had to do it... I'd sent you away, what else did I have... I hurt you, what sort of person would do that, then run. You deserved better.'' Her eyes open, meeting the tear-filled ones opposite. ''I fucked up... He wasn't what I wanted. no matter how much I pretended. I just can't pretend any more he isn't what I want.''

''What do you want?''

''You.'' The sharp inhale from Maura, makes her swallow hard. ''The idea of it, of you, scares me so much. I'll … I'll get it all and then somehow, some fucked up way... I'll lose it. Do something to screw it up, or something will take it... Take you. You'll see someone better, more deserving. Find out I'm a fraud and don't belong with you... That Ian will turn up and you'll go off and save the world together. Shit... I won't fucking survive it.''

''Ian and I are well and truly over. And I don't like you implying if I were in a relationship with you or anyone else. I would suddenly cheat or leave.''

She can hear the anger, she welcomes it. ''This isn't rational thoughts... Love of your life, Maura. You said it while crying over him... So it's kinda hard to forget. It was just another added insecurity on top of everything else... I don't know how else to explain why I did what I did. I wish I hadn't. I'm sorry for hurting you, I mean it.''

The silence between them screams. She flinches, when Maura voice breaks it.

''And what is Casey?''

She doesn't hesitate. ''Settling. No Risk. Safe. Love of my life? No.''

''What am I?''

Her lungs stutter. Heart in her mouth. She shifts closer, on the edge in more ways than one. She has to hold her own hands, the urge to breech the distance and hold Maura's overwhelming. The one thing she does do, can do is make sure her eyes don't waver, don't look away. ''You're everything.'' She sees green eyes turn a darker shade, so much so her breath stutters. But it doesn't last long as Maura looks away.

''I don't trust you. I'm sorry... I...''

It hurts, but she deserves it. She holds her hand up. ''No. I know this doesn't suddenly fix everything. I ... broke your trust, hurt you... I do know, Maur. I will keep apologising but I know it's only words in the end... I'm going to prove you can trust me again... Everyday I'm gonna be here, I mean when you want me around... I'm not running anywhere... I'm won't again.''

''It would be so easy to believe you... give myself over to my need. I need to protect myself... From you of all people. Can... can you understand?''

''Yes. Can you understand... even if it's only a little bit. Why I screwed up ran away from you?'' It means so much, she isn't sure what she'll do if it's a no.

''Yes.''

The weight lifts enough for her to breathe again. ''I want to fix us. I promise I won't send you away again. I promise to try not to hurt you. I promise I'm here.''

''I can't pr...''

She cuts her off, shaking her head. ''You don't have to promise me anything... Just thank you. God. Maur, thank you for giving me a chance to explain.'' She steps closer, licking her lips, mouth so dry. She's scared, but this time she doesn't care. ''Maur.'' She waits till Maura meets her eyes. ''I'm so in love with you it's absolutely ridiculous how much.''

Maura's breath hitching, sounds like a beat cord in her heart.

She smiles, feeling the joy at the words finally released. ''Honest... I really am. I'm thinking in poetry, hearing music. Looking at flowers and thinking they're pretty and you'd like them... I'm like a teenager around you, checking you out, waiting for the next Google fact... I feel so much... I want too carve our names in a tree. But I won't because you said it exposes the underthingy and kills it.''

When Maura bursts into tears. She can't help it she steps closer. Panic gripping. ''Shit... shit. Don't cry. I promise I won't hurt the tree.'' Her eyes widen as Maura grabs her shirt, tugging, pushing. Expressing the confusion of what she wants. She just waits, trembling. Hands clenching, unclenching, the need to touch burning.

Maura's voice is so low, she has to strain to hear.

''Say. it. again... Again.'' Each word is accompanied by a tug on her shirt.

''I love you. I won't hurt the tree.''

She can't tell if Maura is crying or laughing. All she cares, Maura has stepped closer, forehead resting on her chest. Palms opening, flat on her shirt. Feeling her breath, warmth, touch, is sending senses overloading. Heart thumping so hard she's sure Maura can feel it. She swallows, forcing air. She asks, because she has lost this right. But she wants it back. ''Maur... Can... Can I hold you?'' Another sob and a nod spur her to act. She wraps her arms tightly, bringing their bodies together. The sigh she gives is mixed with a sob, lost in Maura's hair as she buries her face there. Breathing in her scent. Her sounds. ''I love you... Only you... I'm so... so sorry.''

Hands move, upwards, gripping her shoulders, nails indenting. Stinging, firm, in response. ''Jane.''

Her name, four letters. Spoken by so many. When Maura speaks it, it's an orchestra of sounds; vibrating, deep, rich, soaring higher. Calling... its pull caresses over each and every part, touched. She shivers, tightening her hold. She's never letting go again. When she feels Maura tighten her own hold around her. She can do nothing but sob in relief.

…...

Tbc

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><p><em>Can you hear. Way outside sounds of hearts breaking in time.<em>

_Lost requests, faults and lines. Egotistical denying lies._

_Hear the rain. Fear the storm. Holding torches, burning arms._

_Don't give up. Please believe._

_I'm coming home... Coming home. _

_Ks_

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><p>Thank you all as always for reviews and pm's. Hope you are still enjoying.<p>

tc x


	4. Touch

Not mine. I kidnapped them for my evil plans. No infringement. no profit. just sleepless nights and hair pulling.

Part 3 Maura POV.

Enjoy

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><p><strong>Touch<strong>

Warmth, the first to flutter on her senses, like lying on a sun kissed beach. She bathes in the feeling, letting her brain gently sort through the start up process, awakening. She inhales a rich deep scent, one she can't place. Her eyes flicker, lids opening lazily, quickly slipping closed against the bruising light. Readjusting her body for comfort. She yawns, moving to stretch, grimacing as Paresthesia flows through her left arm, fingers tingling. Something heavy restricting blood circulation, arm trapped somewhere beneath. She tugs but it won't move. Annoyance makes her lift her head, eyes blinking into focus. Her brain catches, body, breath, freeze. Eyes widening. Jane... She is laying on Jane. Fear, confusion rise. The room begins to spin, she inhales quickly, waiting till everything stabilizes. Staring, skimming over the face half hidden by a ravens wing of hair. Exhaling in relief at finding Jane deep in sleep.

Memories return in a flood; words, anger, pain. Air draws in sharply another memory stronger, shouting in its intensity. Jane is in love with her, wants her. It rushes, a heat infusion across her skin. Only for it to dampen as she remembers how it broke her, shattered everything into pieces,only held together in Jane's arms. They'd cried, tethered, lost to their own pain. Somehow, one of them had led to here, her couch, falling still joined as if each were terrified to let go. Sobs had tampered to breathing, just breathing, both quiet, no words left. She remembers warmth, safety, darkness.

The anxiety upon wakening is fading. She takes in her position, body tucked in close, right leg thrown over Jane's, entwined. Left arm underneath, trapped between Jane and the couch, explaining the Paresthesia. Right arm resting across Jane's torso. She looks over her shoulder, Jane's arm is slack against the cushions, but the position shows it was once on her back. She returns her gaze. She's slept next to Jane before, but the more her feelings had grown, she'd found those nights restless, afraid in sleep her body would move to where her mind wanted it, just like this.

She uncurls her fingers, laying palm flat over Jane's chest, watching to make sure the action doesn't wake her. Eyes dip to her hand, feeling skin amplify the steady heartbeat beneath. She'd fallen asleep listening to it, steady, strong. She moves her hand lower to the right, where she knows the bullet entered. Breath catching, remembering running from the building, screaming, watching in panic as Jane fell. She presses gently down with her palm, feeling a hardening of texture, the scar. Eyes flicker upward again, gazing over the sleeping face, relaxed, mouth slightly open, exhales deep. She'd watched before in secret darkness. Amazed at how much younger Jane looked, the toughness gone, left with such femininity, at first she found it hard to except this was the same woman who could take down a 300lb man, stare down gunmen. She'd basked in being so close, trusted, allowed to see this side. Now she is doing the same but it is so different, Jane loves her. No secrets. She wonders if Jane has done this, studied her in sleep?

Her hand is moving, trembling, finger hovering over Jane's mouth. She can feel the warm exhale on the whirls of her fingertips stirring each nerve to life. On those stolen nights she had never given in to this. It was a sweet torture just to fantasize. To do this, to be this close then to return to the normality of friendship would have been agony, so she'd never crossed this line, until now. Not touching she traces the bow of the lips, slowly down to the corner, holding over where she knows a dimple will appear if Jane smiled. Her fingers flex, moving again, index extending, pausing on the plumpness of the bottom lip. She bites her own, wanting to bite Jane's, suck it into her mouth and bathe the teeth marks, lave inside and taste. Hear the low moan she's heard only once, but one that has engraved forever in her memory.

She freezes, as Jane's jaw works, lips smacking together, tip of a tongue flicking, licking the bottom lip before disappearing inside. Her gaze is zeroed in on it, her own tongue mirroring the movement. The action so innocent in sleep, but right now it's setting her on fire. Heat infuses again, this time richer, pin pricks of awareness travelling downward. God, she wants Jane... Her body is already responding to the need. She shallow breathes, withdrawing her hand, bringing it to her chest, this time feeling her heartbeat, erratic, strong. The heat of her own flushed skin, burning her palm.

She is at war within, what she wants and what she feels. She still hurts, it's a lead weight anchoring the anger, the pain. She sighs, lowering her head, resting her cheek over Jane's ribs, hearing the rush of air, in... out. It would be so easy to forego the pain inside, take what she needs, too give into the years of wanting. But where would it leave them? Her? She shifts closer, even as she questions, stilling craving this touch. She sucks in air as the contact makes her hips jerk. God... What does she do? She so badly wants to believe. Believe in all things Jane. If she does, she knows she wouldn't survive losing again, she barely survived this.

Her body calms, the want and need ebbing, leaving a hum of sorrow. Her fingers trace circles on Jane's white shirt, nails leaving tracks in the fabric, like skis in snow. How does she forgive? How does she trust again? She turns her head enough to rest her chin on Jane's chest, gazing upward to watch her sleep. The movement of lungs expanding sending Jane's face into a constant up and down movement. She feels like she is on a merry-go-round, bopping, barely holding on. Her eyes close, already feeling the prick of tears, she's drowning. The gentle touch on her cheek startles her eyes open, meeting sleep filled concerned dark ones watching her.

''Don't cry.''

Jane's voice is low gravely from sleep, it makes her shiver. She swallows, eyelids flickering as Jane's hand cups her face, thumb tracing each tear and brushing them away. She wants to turn her face into the palm, caress her cheek against the scar. But she doesn't, she can't. Instead she moves her face away, watching the flicker of hurt dull Jane's face. She shifts to rise only to wince, the arm beneath still trapped. ''I have Paresthesia.''

She watches a smile twitch. Refusing to blush as Jane's gaze lingers to the V of her robe, before coming back to meet her eyes.

''You have ointment for that?''

She frowns, only just catching the amusement in time to realise she is being teased. She draws back, bracing with her free hand on the cushion. The action putting her more over Jane's form. ''Pins and needles. You are laying on my arm.''

''Ah. Thought the couch was lumpy.''

But still Jane doesn't move. Their stare is intense. It would only take dipping her head a few inches and she could take Jane's lips in a scorching kiss. Be so easy to do so. But she's focused more on Jane's touch, it's a feather across her face, moving to her nose, stroking down its length, slowly back up again. It's erotic in its innocence.

''You have the cutest nose.''

She can't breathe. Fingers trace to just under her right eye, circling. Jane's gaze now has dropped to watch. She can see the wonderment there.

''I didn't know you had freckles for almost six months. The first time we slept together, you had no make-up and I saw them.'' a smile creases. ''When I was a kid, Ma used to take me to her cleaning jobs. But I wouldn't sit still...''

She is enthralled.

''….. so she got me some dot to dot books. But I hated following the numbers...''

She blinks, fingertips indenting the freckles, moving from each one. She can do nothing but stare as Jane speaks.

''…..I'd do my own dots, make my own pictures... With these...''

Pressure presses on each again.

''…..I wanted to do dot to dot and see what picture these made.''

She shudders. The touch heat on her skin. Heart is thumbing, making her dizzy. But it's Jane's words, voice, that is stealing the air.

''You are so pretty.''

She blushes. She's never been called pretty before, beautiful yes, but pretty no. It's said with such child like honesty, she wants to weep. The caress continues, thumb nail tracing her cheek bone, its an electric shock through her system. She inhales sharply. Dark eyes jump to hers.

''You know who my favourite Maura is?''

She can only shake her head. Brain stuttering to understand. She's never seen, heard this Jane before. Jane looks relaxed, carefree, a smile forming like none other she's been exposed to, all teeth and dimples. Her thoughts come back as she feels a shift of air as Jane's hand motions.

''This Maura... No make-up, freckles on show. Just woke up. Hair tousled. The one underneath the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts.''

She's mesmerized as she feels a hand go into her hair, pushing strands behind her left ear. The light skin to skin contact ripples awareness. She has to concentrate to not give into this. Her gaze is intent on Jane's. She can see arousal, want, dark eyes are sparkling, shining... Love... Oh god, she can see it. This time she shivers for a different reason, fear. She drops her head, breaking their gaze. Hiding everything inside, surrounding with armour, making herself remember the abandonment, the pain. She needs too, because if she doesn't she's going to be consumed. Long fingers are cupping her chin, bringing her face back up, pulling her free from self imposed exile.

''Please don't hide.''

Its plea assaults like a blow, hammering on walls, demanding entry. She doesn't' know what to do. All emotions are crawling to be let free. Steel control denting, buckling. Compartmentalization bleeding to nothing. She's crying again and it annoys her Jane can do this so easily. As if all that was done is simply forgotten because of this touch. Her gaze flickers over Jane's face. Jane is watching, waiting, her expression open. They're frozen like this, hovering, unsure. Silence except for ragged breaths. It's like being high in the mountains, altitude to thin.

Jane's face clears. Before she can do anything, Jane's hand is at the back of her neck, firm, pulling her down. Her mouth opens to protest but wet lips cover, sealing her words. Her brain short circuits. Specks of light flash. Mouth soft, unyielding takes what it wants, drinking from her. She can't not respond, lips move, tasting, taking her own sip. She can't hold her weight, her body falls, cushioning onto a firm body. Heat is everywhere. Teeth graze her lips tingling fireworks. She answers, opening her mouth. Jane's tongue sneaks inside, snaking, swirling. The roof of her mouth is a cathedral of feelings. She hums, deep. Opening wider, letting her own tongue begin the dance. She reaches, hand tangling into the mane of dark, twisting, pulling closer. Tilting her head to move the kiss into an opera, the aria beginning. She is lost and she doesn't care. The vibration of Jane's moan sends her toes curling. Body shifting closer, hip to hip. She hisses air as contact hits her core. She has to breathe, but she can't, she won't break this, this is perfection. Her heart is thumping, rib cage a xylophone of notes on each beat. Louder, louder. Jane pulls away, the loss she feels is a hollow pit. Her eyes blink open. Gaze shifting, fear, there is fear on Jane's face.

''Shit... shit. Shit.'' Jane's voice is hoarse.

She's trying to breathe, to focus. The kiss burns. Arousal drugging her synapses. Reality hits as she hears the thumping louder. Head turning. It's not her heart, it's the front door.

''Maura? Why is the door locked, honey? You okay in there?''

Her mouth falls open. Angela's voice echoing. Eyes shooting back to Jane.

Jane's eyes are saucers. ''Oh god, Ma...Son of bitch.''

She exhales. Her own curse resounding in her head. She waits, waits to see what Jane will do. But all Jane is doing is rubbing palms down her face and mumbling expletives. It is not helpful.

The knocking returns. ''Maura?''

Senses come down from their high. ''We arranged breakfast plans. I have ... to let her in.''

Jane's arm is across her eyes now. ''If you don't, she'll knock the damn thing down.''

She leans back, as Jane shifts to rise. Each body part that touches is fire. She can see the same response in Jane. Her eyes dip to swollen kissed lips, she licks her own. Jane's eyes darken. She tears herself away, not wanting to prolong this torture. Pulling her arm free, the limb numb, while all other parts are so alive. She stands, legs shaking. Not looking, she can't, if she does she'll lose herself again. She turns her back, breathing to calm. Massaging feeling back into her hand, until circulation is restored. Moving to the door, adjusting her robe, smoothing back her hair. A hand grabs, turning her.

''I'm not running... But I can't talk to her right now. She's going to want to know what I'm doing here. I need to deal with Casey first. I don't want him hearing this from someone else. I owe him that.''

Now she understands the term; 'a bucket of cold water'. It dowses, putting ever single flame of arousal out with a hiss, leaving the bitter taste of sulphur in her mouth. Jane did this without being free. The euphoria of the kiss twists, turning it into something sordid, forbidden. She slowly draws her arm away. Anger snapping. ''Wait in the guest room. Or would you prefer to leave by the back door and climb the wall again?''

Jane stiffens. The flash of hurt this time is raw, open. Her anger stutters away. But before she can say anything, Jane has turned heading to the guest room, disappearing with a resounding click of the door closing. Her eyes close, hating herself.

The knocking this time makes her jump. Eyes open, preparing. Taking a breath, she steels her resolve and moves to the door. Unlocking and opening, a smile already fixed. ''Good morning, Angela.''

''Oh honey. Did I wake you?''

She lets Angela pass, closing the door and following her, taking calming breaths. ''I... fell asleep on the couch.'' Not a lie.

''Must have been an interesting night with James?''

For a moment she hears the name as Jane and can do nothing to stop the blush or the panic ripping through. The blush seems to aide as Angela lets out a laugh.

''Nothing to be embarrassed about. He was yummy. Will you be seeing him again?''

She forces a smile, insides in turmoil. ''I don't believe so.''

''Oh? That's a shame. He seemed nice.''

Eyes dart to her guest room before returning to watch Angela lay out the croissant and strawberries. She doesn't want to lie, can't. Her stomach lurches. The idea of eating is making her feel extreme nausea.

''You okay? You're as white as a sheet.''

Her eyes come up to the question. ''I... My digestive system is upset. I don't think eating would be a good idea at the moment.''

''Not even some dry toast? I can make it instead of this?''

''No, thank you.'' Her stomach is producing acid, responding to her anxiety. She can feel the burn as reflux begins. A hand goes to her mouth, swallowing hard.

''You really do look ill. I know it's Saturday, but are you working today? I could call in?''

Angela's concern is making her feel guilty. Which isn't helping. ''I... No. I'm on call later. I should be fine by then. It's a mild case of dyspepsia. I have ginger extract which will help. But could we postpone our breakfast?''

''Of course. Maybe you caught a bug or something?''

''I am just tired. I didn't get my usual eight hours.'' Not a lie, not a lie. She keeps repeating. Trying to stem the hives she can feel prickling.

''Well, that's settled. Go to bed. Catch up on your sleep. Do you want me to come back at lunch time, check you're okay? I can get Frankie to drop in after his shift bring you something light? Chicken soup is always a winner.''

She doesn't know which question to answer first. ''No. I'll be fine. I'll make sure I eat later... I'm sorry about our breakfast plans.''

''Nothing to be sorry for. I'll head to work early won't hurt to get in an hour in the stock room. We'll do this another day.''

Angela packs up the breakfast quicker than she ever could and is already heading for the front door. She follows, allowing the hug she gets as they reach it.

''You're running yourself ragged, honey. A day in bed will do you good.''

The smile is genuine as she feels a quick kiss to her cheek. ''Thank you.''

The air shifts, door opens, closes and whirlwind Angela is gone.

She sags in relief, locking the door. Turning, eyes already on the guest room. What would have happened if Angela hadn't arrived? It repeats in her mind. Would they have gone further? Her body is receding from the anxiety, leaving her nerve ending ragged. The sudden switch from arousal to panic has left her exhausted. She wipes at her forehead, fingers tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. She inhales, remembering Jane doing the same. Her head turns as she hears the guest door open. Eyes locking with Jane as she steps in. There's something there she can't read. She takes in Jane's stance, it's ridged, tense, all the signs of suppressed anger. No, not anger, fury. Jane's body is vibrating with it. She doesn't understand why. She takes a tentative steps towards her. ''Jane?''

Jane's jaw is working. Dark eyes flashing as they look up at her.

''What's wrong?'' She takes another step, eyes searching Jane's face.

Jane looks back at the guest room. She looks too, a feeling of dread washing over. Something she's missing.

''You fucked him!''

She jumps, eyes shifting to Jane's face. Oh god.

Jane points to the guest room. ''Were you even going to change the sheets if you fucked me?''

She steps back, feeling slapped. But her own fury is building. ''How dare you!''

''Shit... How dare I? Are you fucking kidding?''

''You have no right... No damn right.'' She turns away, wishing she had the vase to throw. She'd get more satisfaction than she did the first time, throwing it at Jane's head right now. ''Get out.''

''God damn it. You …... ''

She turns,, red stealing her vision. ''We are not together... You are still with Casey. You have no right to react this way, None! Up until last night I didn't even fucking know you cared. You need to sort out your own life before you judge and cast stones at mine!'' She is breathing so fast, her whole body is expanding. She hates swearing, it belittles her intelligence, but now it's fucking needed. ''Get the hell out.''

''No.''

''What?''

''No, I'm not leaving. Not like this, not after... not after. No... no... no.''

Jane walks towards her, determination on her face. She turns away, moving fast to the kitchen, pulling open cupboards, taking down a glass. Slamming the door shut. She fills it with water. Her hands trembling. She gulps it down, draining it to the bottom, trying to get the taste of ash out of her mouth. She places the glass down calmly, the effort taking the last of her control. She grips the sinks edge. She's angry so fucking angry. Only Jane can get her like this. All her emotions a short fuse.

''I'm sorry.''

She doesn't acknowledge it. But her hands grip the sink harder, knuckles white. Why do they do this to each other?

''I just went in there totally blown away by our kiss and I turn around and the bed is like that... I... it's one thing to think you did. It's another to know... It fucking hurt, okay.''

Her eyes slip closed. She can understand. The times she's allowed herself to think of Jane and Casey together it had destroyed her. She deliberately avoided those thoughts and any chance of seeing them together. She exhales slowly, pinching the bridge of her nose

''Maur... please.''

She hates it, hates the fact she is so easily swayed by a simple plea. She turns, crossing her arms. ''I didn't get as far as fucking him.'' she welcomes the flinch on Jane as she throws back her words. ''I changed my mind. I asked him to leave, which he did. The rest you know.'' She can see the exhale Jane gives, relief flooding her eyes. ''But you do not get to do this. Make me feel guilty for something I have the freedom to do.''

Jane's face flushes red. Anger spiking again, but this time Jane takes a deep breath before answering her. ''Even now? You'd f... you'd have sex with him? When we're...''

''When we are what?''

''Together... I want us to be together... I can't watch you go off with someone else, then come back to me.''

''You want us exclusive?'' The words bite. Because right now Jane is breaking her own rules.

''Yes. Don't... you want that?''

It screams to say yes. Jane only Jane. But Jane isn't hers. ''There is an obstacle in all of this... Casey.''

''I know. I'm going to talk to him today... I'm not changing my mind.''

She can tell Jane means it. She wants to believe. ''And your mother? Because I am not going to lie to her.''

''I'll talk to her. I'll do it, all of it. Just give me some time. Please.''

Jane's submissiveness and pleading break through. Jane doesn't beg. She feels like a bully. She calms her voice. ''I am not pressuring you to do anything. It may sound that way but I'm not... Where ever we go from here cannot happen until Casey is gone. That much I am asking.''

''I know.''

Her arms uncross. The anger leaving. She meets Jane's eyes. Suddenly unsure of everything. ''I don't know what I can give you, Jane.''

''I know you want me Maura. I saw it. Felt it. Isn't this what you want?''

''This is not about want. Are you just expecting me to just forget and forgive everything and jump into bed with you?''

''No... no, of course not.''

''What are you expecting from me?''

''Just be with me. Do things we used too. Spend time together. Let me show you I can be trusted. No pressures, just us. I'd like to take you out.''

Her heartbeat thumps. ''On a date?''

''Yeah... Exactly like a date.''

She wants to say yes, she really does. But the questions keep coming. ''What will you be telling people?''

''Jesus Christ. it's not anybody else's business. Do you want me to take out an ad?''

It is not the answer she wants. It must show, because in the next beat Jane is growling walking passed her fast, towards the door.

''Fine! I'll tell my mother now... I yell it into the street... I love Maura Isles. I want Maura Isles. I want too date Maura Isles... I'm a fucking idiot for running away from Maura Isles.''

Her eyes widen. Jane is serious. She stumbles forward in a rush, catching Jane's arm as the door opens. ''Stop. You don't even have shoes on.''

Jane glances down. Before she can say anything else. Jane is stomping to the back and shoving her boots on. Already on the way back, pulling open the door again. ''Better?''

She grabs at Jane again. ''Stop... Not like this.''

''No... You don't believe I want this, want you.''

She has to pull harder, as Jane tries to leave. ''Jane... Stop. I do.''

''You believe me?''

''Yes.'' She blinks in surprise at her own answer.

''Say it.''

She pauses only a breath. ''I believe you... I believe you.'' She tugs Jane back inside, other hand slamming the door shut. It is only as she turns she realises how close they are. Body to body. She actually gulps. Tilting her head back to look up, watching as a smile grows on Jane's face, also aware of their proximity.

''Well, hello there.'' Jane's smile is infectious.

She looks away, hiding her own beginning smile. ''You are insufferable.'' Jane takes a step forward, forcing her to take a step back, which only stops as her back hits the door. Eyes slip closed as fingers rake through her hair. ''Infuriating.'' her eyes open, seeing the smirk. ''Frustrating.'' The word expels on a breath as Jane cups her cheek.

''Yes. Yes I am. All of the reasons you like me. Makes life interesting.''

Their eyes lock, both seeing the same thing. The arousal, the want, the need. She places a palm on Jane's chest to halt her as she moves to kiss. ''No.''

''No?''

''You have to talk to Casey.'' She hates her reasoning, hates her control. Because right now she wants to lose control, to grab the shirt her hand is on, pull Jane in, kiss her until she sees Ursa major. Jane exhales air, the breath hitting her face like snowflakes. She gives in to one thing, something she has wanted to do for so long. She pushes Jane's unruly black locks from her face. Letting her thumb trace a touch across her temple. Jane's hand comes up and covers, before she can take it back, holding it there.

''I want too kiss you so badly. Maur.''

She doesn't say anything, because if her mouth opens she will fill it with Jane's tongue.

''But I'm going to go and do the right thing. But I need you to know it's taking everything not to kiss you again.''

She swallows, feeling the squeeze to her hand before it is released. Jane steps back and she makes herself move away from the door. Part of her wants to barricade it, not let Jane out of her sight. But she steps away.

Jane eyes haven't left her once. ''I'll come back here, after. Is that okay?''

Suddenly it hits her what Jane is about to do. Leave Casey. As much as she hates their relationship she knows this is also going to hurt Jane doing this to him. She steps quickly forward. ''I want you too.'' she can see the relief. ''No matter how late, Jane. Let me know?'' Tell me, talk to me. Don't run. Don't hide. She doesn't say it, because the desperation is choking her.

Jane shakes her head. ''I'm not going to change my mind, Maur. Even if... even if you say I haven't got a chance with you. I'm still leaving him.''

It heals something inside. ''I am on call at six.'' she moves to the drawer in the bureau. Taking out a set of keys returning. Lifting Jane's hand and placing them in her palm. ''If I'm not here, let yourself in. The alarm code is the same. Text me you're here and I'll come back as soon as I can.'' She watches tears hang on Jane's eyelashes, knowing she's trying not to cry.

''I never should have... given these back... I thought I was doing the right thing.''

She closes Jane's fingers around the keys. ''I know. Promise you'll stay here. Until I come back. Don't... don't go somewhere on you're own.''

Jane pockets the keys, wiping at her eyes. She knows the smile Jane's giving is forced.

''You're worried I'll do something stupid? I think I've already topped the cap on doing things like that.''

Yes. But it stays silent inside. ''Just promise.'' Jane nods, but she needs the words. ''Promise.''

''I promise. I.. better go.''

Although Jane's answer is a whisper, the power and valediction sounds stronger than any yell. She nods, holding the door as Jane opens it. Jane's unsure, eyes dipping and coming to her, looking away again. She can't stand it, Jane looks so lost. She steps closer, fingers clasping at Jane's hand, catching it. Running her thumb across the scar. She's trying to construct words, to show what she feels. She trembling with it. When she feels the same tremble in Jane. It shifts something, pushing through all the hurt, all the pain. She stands on tip toes and takes Jane in a kiss. Breaking her own rules. She laves, she takes, she gives. The touch runs like a rapid, swirls, dips, crashing over her as the wave peaks. Breathing stutters as she steps back. Seeing the awe in Jane's eyes, makes her smile. ''Come back to me.''

She steps away, feeling like she's crossing an abyss. Not knowing what lays ahead or behind. Their hands are joined until the last second, the only life line finally drops. Jane flashes a smile, one worthy of a sun god. She hugs herself, returning the best she has, which she knows is weak.

With a nod. Jane turns, steps firm, shoulders set, heading to the car. She watches her get in, watches till the car turns from her street. She's cold, hot, warm. Everything remembers the touch, the kiss. They are oil and water, but the spark they have will ignite both to vapour. All she has to do is believe.

Exhaling, she turns, shivering for more than one reason. Entering her home, her refuge, closing the door.

All she can do now is wait.

tbc

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><p>As always thank you for reading and reviewing. Cookies for all.<p>

Smell, next. Should be interesting. lol


	5. Smell

Not mine. No profit. I have a goldfish and a cat. Neither of them are Tess Gerritses. But if she wishes to borrow them and write about them, I won't mind. Fairs, fair.

Jane POV

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><p><strong>Smell<strong>

She takes the turning, glancing to the rear view to catch the last sight of Maura. It hurts to leave, but she's doing the right thing for once. As she inhales. she catches a scent, not hers. She breathes in again, deeply. A flowery musk. One that has assaulted her senses every time Maura was near. Crime scenes she'd find herself sniffing the air, trying to place it. Took her a week to figure out it was the M.E. Clean, subtle, feminine, leaving a lingering mystery to solve. But this time the scent is stronger, vivid, covering her pores, mixing with hers. It's a whispering memory from childhood. Of visiting her grandmother, walking through the woods and finding a floor of blue bells, being awestruck by its beauty. Of the earthy fresh smell of nature, sweetness of grass, copper of trees. It's a blanket within, wrapping her tight, feeling safe, yet excited to be lost. She is so lost, lost in all things Maura. She breathes it in, just because she can. She wants this every day, Maura on her skin, under it, inside.

It's making her shake, this want, this need and she can't stop it. No matter how hard she grabs the steering wheel, the tremors are rippling her muscles, snakes under the skin. She can barely focus on driving, it's taking all that she is. She wants to turn the car around, go back, give the kiss that still haunts. Breathe in, fill her lungs with the scent again. Find the deeper musky one, taste it. She shakes her head, gritting her teeth, barely holding in a moan as liquid fire makes her want to cross her legs. She puts all her frustration into changing gear, making the cogs groan in protest as she misses third. What the hell does she care if she screws up the transmission, it's a cop car. She's just glad her mother didn't spot it parked outside. Her attention jerks, as a cab nearly takes the wing. She exhales a curse at the near miss. She does not need an accident right now.

Focus... Focus.

How the hell can she focus, when all of her is vibrating. She chews her lip trying to remove the feelings of Maura's lips. But all it does is send pulses, igniting the replay. She is a mass of bubbling, throbbing hormones. She snorts. Knowing Maura could tell her the names of every single one. Maura... She didn't turn her away. Let her in. They're not fixed but there's a chance a fucking chance. She felt the kiss, the need, Maura wants her. Under all of it she'd still seen, Maura loves her. She's grinning like an idiot. Feeling like a teenager, caught having her first kiss behind the bleachers. God... This isn't her first rodeo, far from it, but now, this second it's a kiss that is rocking her world. If a kiss can do this, what would the rest do? Holy shit! She doesn't think she is going to survive it, but what a hell of a way to go. Grinning again. Damn... She's pathetic and a mess. Brain, body all untangling from the inside out. She exhales air in a gust, stirring her bangs. Wow... Just wow.

Focus... Focus.

She takes the turning and everything stutters. Vision narrowing like a telescope closing. The smile drops off her face. This is the way to Casey's. Reality is a bitch and she's biting hard. What she's about to do comes back like razors across her skin. It presses, shrouds the joy bubble of Maura constricting it into a lump in her throat. Her whole body tenses. Now she feels sick. Her foot eases off the accelerator without permission, transferring her dread. The smell that hits now is decay, the breaking down of a relationship, laid out in the sun to rot. She clamps her mouth shut on the bile. She is going to hurt him so badly.

The beep from the car behind makes her realise how much she has slowed. She swallows, increasing the speed. All she is thinking is how does she do this and not destroying him completely? Even as she turns into his street, parking. She knows no matter what she says, the truth of it is, she is going to anyway.

Her legs are lead as she leaves the car, She can smell the sea. It confuses her, until she sees the truck up the street, spraying grit down for the coming snow. It's scent of salt, mixed with gasoline, leaves an old metallic taste in her mouth. Gun metal... It smells like it did the day she shot herself. She turns away, walking across the street, up the four steps to the entry doors. Her hands are ridged helpless things as she presses the code to unlock it. Breathing is laboured, hoarse as she climbs the stairs to his floor. Not wanting the wait in the elevator. As she moves down the small hallway to 21b, she has pushed everything Maura away. Her focus now is him.

When her hand comes up to knock, it's visible shaking, so she takes it back, clenching it till nails indent and the shaking ebbs to a tremor. She breathes, sucking in air. Wiping her face, until she finds a small centre of calm. This time when she knocks, her hand is steady.

The door opens, he's standing there in the blue thread bare robe that's been his since he was twenty one. A present from his sister upon joining the marines. One he won't throw away. Every time he's deploys it goes with him. It's his good luck charm. She knows all his secrets. But she was never supposed to have them. They weren't meant for her. He's smiling. She doesn't answer it.

''Jane?''

She hates it, hates the words she is about to say are ones no one wants to hear. Because hearing it immediately tells you something is wrong. ''We need to talk.''

His smile drops. ''Okay.'' he steps away.

She follows, trying to keep it together enough to get through this. She closes the door. He's sitting at the breakfast bar. Coffee cupped in his hands. His eyes are steel blue.

''What's up?'' There's no smile now.

He doesn't offer her coffee, which is telling. She pauses, unsure whether to move closer or keep this distance. She chews her lip and wishes she hadn't, the taste of Maura is still lingering. She has to look down not meet his eyes. She's scared what he'll see.

''Must be serious... So, I guess you sorted out your stuff?''

Her eyes come up slowly. Meeting his. They're slate grey now, guarded, the colour of the sky before a storm. ''Yeah. I did.''

He nods, drinking a long gulp of coffee. Standing, depositing the empty mug into the sink. ''Spit it out.''

It hurts to say. ''I... I can't marry you.'' He turns, body so ridged she can see the tendons in his neck straining.

''Right. Do I get a reason? Or is that it?''

She could say all the things that are true. She isn't good enough for him, he deserves better. It isn't him, it's her. Repetitive excuses of the unspoken truth. I don't love you. I don't want you. I love someone else. The brutal truth... All flicker in her mind. She doesn't want to hurt him. She doesn't know what to say. She is just staring, mute.

He exhales, crossing his arms. ''You've changed your mind because?''

Words are choking her. ''It's not enough.''

He runs a hand down his five o'clock shadow. ''Not enough? Marriage isn't enough?''

''I don't love you the way you need. I...''

''I need? You saying you're not in love with me?''

This is so hard to do. ''I... No.''

His whole body jerks. ''Are you kidding me? Four months ago you were in love with me and now you're saying you're not?''

''I thought it was enough how I felt. I was wrong.'' she takes a deep breath. ''I'm sorry.''

His lips thin. ''You're sorry? Shit... Did you ever really love me?''

Did she? Or was he just something she was supposed to do. She looks at him, really looks at him. Seeing the teenager she was enamoured with. Seeing the man. The times they were together at the beginning. the newness, the excitement. ''Yes... But it changed.''

His eyes flare. ''So why the fuck did you say yes if it changed?''

She shakes her head. ''I thought I was doing the right thing.''

He steps around the breakfast bar. ''For who? Because from where I'm standing doesn't seem like it was right.''

Her own guilt is drowning. ''I know... I'm sorry.'' He just stares at her. She wonder what he sees. If he can see the mess she is. The mess she's made.

His tone softens, hand reaching out, hovering in the in between. ''Jane... We're good together.''

The smile she gives is sad. Full of memories of them. ''Yes, yes we were.''

He smiles. Missing the fact she used the past tense.

''See... It's just the pressure. The whole let's get married. Why don't we just take some time. Just us. Enjoy our engagement... Maybe think about moving in together first?''

Her memory stirs this time on Maura. She said the same words. 'just us.' It fortifies what she really wants. ''Casey, we were good together. But we're not fantastic together. Don't you want that? Don't you want fantastic?''

His hand drops. Face losing the hope. A nerve in his jaw flexes. She swallows.

''Who the hell says it isn't for me. I'm in love with you... For me that's more than fantastic and I thought you felt the same.''

''I... I'm sorry.''

She watches him pace. Her hands wringing together. She freezes as he stops, turning.

''There's someone else isn't there?''

She breathes slowly. ''Not the way you think. I haven't been cheating on you behind your back.'' She won't count that kiss. She can't. It means to much and that in itself tells her she's cheated.

He steps closer. ''Who?''

She turns away. Wanting to spare him this. ''Why does it matter who?''

''Because it fucking does. Who?''

She's silent. His choked laugh, brings her eyes back to him.

''Shit... Maura. It's Maura.''

She knows at some point he'd have found out. She wishes it didn't have to happen. ''Y...Yes.''

''Damn. You know my gut told me, told me something was there between you. You didn't answer me last night and the rumours... I mean, Christ. Best friends don't act the way you two did. And the way she came after me...''

Her whole body jerks to attention. ''She did what!?''

He snorts. ''She never told you. Figures... Yeah. She came down to the VA. She knew I was paralysed and she warned me...''

Her mind is going over the time line. Trying to make sense of this. ''Warned you to do what?''

He moves away. ''Tell you what had happened, about the operation. Not to hurt you. Shit... I should have known then the way she protected you. It was personal, not just a best friend looking out for you.'' he looks up. ''How long has it been going on?''

Her mind is a mess. Every sense sparking. Acid in her inhales. ''Nothing has been going on. I only found out she wanted me the day I said yes to you.''

His brow dips. ''That's what you meant by you chose me?''

''Yes.'' He's confused and she doesn't blame him.

''You knew she wanted you and you still chose me?''

''Yes.'' It's a hiss.

''I don't get it. Why? Why say no then, and yes now?''

Her eyes dip to his hands, they're clenched. ''Because I was scared. I thought she was just doing it to make sure I didn't marry you and it wasn't real. I had no clue she felt that way...What does it matter why I did what. It's done.''

His voice rises. ''Oh, it matters. Because I'm standing here trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. If you wanted her why say yes to me?''

She's shouting back. Her own frustration cutting into her guilt. ''Because I fucked up. Okay... I fucked up. I tried to tell you, tried to tell you things weren't right. But you get so fucking blinkered. It was nothing to do with wedding plans... We went from friends to lover to marriage, Casey. You're talking of houses and kids. When I'm trying to tell you I need space to think... Every time I wanted to just go home it was like I was killing your damn dog.'' She stutters to silence. Not realising all of this was inside.

''So this is my fault?''

She runs a hand through her hair. ''No... It's mine. Because I didn't have the guts to say yes to her and tell you no.''

He wipes at his eyes. And for the first time she can see he's trying not to cry. He doesn't deserve any of this. ''Casey. I..''

He cuts her off. ''Where did you go last night? I know you didn't go home because I called. Then Frankie called here asking where to drop off Joe... You went to her?''

''I needed to see her.'' She wipes away at her own tears.

''All of this because I told you too sort out your stuff? This is kind of extreme even for you!''

She bites back her nature to argue. ''No... This wasn't you. This was all me. I needed to tell her... Tell her I made a mistake.''

She might as well have slapped him.

He turns from her. ''I'm the mistake.''

''Yes. '' This time she can't hold in the sob. ''I...I'm so sorry.''

Now he turns fast, stepping close. ''And what? You screw me, dump her and now you screw her and it's my turn to be dumped?''

''I didn't screw her.'' She grits her teeth. ''You think this has been easy for her. I broke her heart. You think she's going to forgive just like that.''

''Well, you're batting two for two on the broken fucking hearts and from what I hear she screws any thing that moves.''

Her whole body stills. Eyes hardening. She takes steps until she's right in his face. ''Don't! You can say anything you want about me. Call me everything under the sun. But you do not get to talk about her like that. Ever!''

He's face crumples. ''Christ... You are in love with her.'' his shoulders sag.

The anger leaves. ''I did it all wrong. It's my mistake I know it. And you are both paying for it. I can't take any of it back. I never meant to hurt either of you.''

He walks to the couch sitting. Hands over his face. Until finally he looks up. ''You just used me to get away from your feeling for her?''

''I thought I was doing the right thing... I know that seems fucked. But I did. I'm so, so sorry.''

''Was it all lies? We're you wishing I was her the whole time we were together?''

She steps closer. Needing him to know. ''No, NO. When I was with you, it was only you. But I couldn't keep pushing it away. I tried. I really tried, to make it work with you. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't fair to you.''

He shakes his head. The fight in him completely gone. Left now with pain radiating from his eyes. It burns her.

''Jesus, Jane.''

She moves closer. Wanting to touch. ''Casey. I love you, I do. But I can't pretend that it's more.''

His eyes are desperate as he looks up. ''Did I screw it up? Before when I left? When I didn't tell you about the spinal injury? Locking you out?''

She drops her hand. ''No... No. It isn't any of that. This is just me.''

He scoffs. ''And Maura''

''Yeah..''

''Did I just miss the whole gay thing?''

She laughs weakly. ''No... I don't know what the hell I am. But it's only been Maura.''

He sighs, standing. she can tell he's pushing all his emotions away. ''You're sure about this? That it's not just some phase?''

Her eyes flicker to his, then away. ''I'm not going through a mid life crisis, Casey. I don't know why. It just is.''

''She loves you too right?''

This time she's the one that sags. The weight of all of it finally settling. ''She doesn't trust me.''

''Can't say I blame her.''

She flinches. ''Me either. But I'm going to try and get it back.''

He steps right up to her. Eyes steel, searching her face. ''You're sure of this? It's her and not me? That you're not just running again?''

''I'm not running, and I'm sure.'' She meets his stare. it holds, until she sees the light of blue dim. He turns way from her.

''I guess that's that then.''

It sounds so emotionless, matter of fact. But she sees beyond it, sees what this is doing to him. She's crying because he won't. ''I'm so sorry, Casey. I never ever meant to hurt you. Please, if you only believe one thing of me, believe that.''

''Believing in you doesn't get people much.''

She takes the hit of his words, because she deserves it. He's walking away from her and she knows it's for the last time. Suddenly she's scared for him. ''What are you going to do?''

''Not your business any more, Jane. Think you better leave now.''

Her mouth opens on a thousand apologies. But she knows it means nothing to him right now. She takes out her wallet. Flipping the badge, finger going in behind her I.D. until she feels the ring. She looks at it in the light, diamond sparkling. She places it on the counter, along with his key. She doesn't have much here, she never really brought her personal stuff over, if she thinks about it she probably has more at Maura's. She looks at him. All that he is. She cares more for him than she has for a lot of people in her life.

She moves to the door. She's bleeding from a wound which you self inflict, one where you hurt someone. Knowing there is no other way. Wishing it were different, but caught because at the same time it can't be changed. Opening the door, she looks back at him. ''I'm sorry.'' She doesn't wait to see if he answers. She's already closed the door and walking down the hallway, out of the building and his life.

She steps into the fresh air. The air inside was stilted, as if the surroundings knew what was happening. His apartment recording the echo of heartbreak, entombing it. She takes in a deep breath, clearing her lungs, wiping at her face. She shivers down to her bones. The weight is hanging around her neck like an albatross; guilt, sorrow, sadness. How much she has fucked up his life. Self loathing makes her want to rip her skin off. She jerks, running down the four steps. She needs to get out of here.

She gets into her car, hands trembling as she pulls her cell free. Sniffing, wiping at her eyes to see. She stares at her phone. She wants to run somewhere and hide, curl into a ball and disappear. Still she stares at the phone... She'd promised. Sniffing again, it hits her, the scent. She breathes it in... letting it fill her, cover the open wounds, sooth the scars. Maura... Now she knows why it reminded her of her grandmother, it's the smell of belonging, of being loved, of safety, of Christmas, of warm apple pie and baked bread... But most of all it's the smell of home.

She taps out a message quickly, sending it. Replacing the phone on her belt when it's done. Starting the car. She takes one last look up to Casey's apartment window before she pulls out and heads where she should have been all along.

Not once does she look back.

TBC

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><p>AN

When I started this story right back in Rain. I had no idea it would grow into this, It started as a one shot. But I was asked nicely to continue. I have been asked where my Title ideas come from. Choosing the series titles came first from the Rain, progressing through the Storms. The Senses series began with an idea of the titles. knowing when I reached Smell I would be setting myself a task. lol. I hope I did it justice. This has been a wonderful journey for my bard. She woke up. Thank you all as always for the PMs and Reviews. You guys blow me away every single time. I thank you all. xx


	6. Taste Part One

Okay, surprise, not mine. No profit. No debit. No idea what's happening. My bard never tells me the important stuff.

Continuation In The Sense Series.

Enjoy.

Maura POV

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><p>TASTE<p>

Part One

.

Jane is gone... Jane is gone... Jane is gone... Jane is gone...

It resounds like an ancient chant of loss. She is alone.

She sags back against the closed door, arms wrapped tightly around. She should be moving, beginning her day, everything has changed, yet remained the same. She is frozen, feelings exploding within. Her body, mind, raging with conflicting emotions. She is blind, deaf, and dumb to her surroundings. The only sense remaining is taste and it is all of Jane. Need, want, love. Aristotle believed there were two basic tastes; bitter and sweet. Kissing Jane had been so, so sweet, a taste of milk and honey from the promised land. But the bitterness was laced beneath, betrayal, heart break. Tainting the wonderment, the love, the taste.

She pushes off from the door. Keeping her eyes away from the cell phone on the table as she passes. If she can't trust Jane to do this, too keep her promise. She will never be able to trust Jane in anything again. This is a test for them both. For her, whether she can trust, believe. For Jane, to prove she means what she says. She needs to occupy her mind, find a balm of normality, otherwise this waiting will drive her insane. She breathes, looking around. Eyes catching broken porcelain in the corner. She'll start with the vase, tidy up her messes too.

She tips the dustpan, watching as the pieces of the vase slide into the bin. She had hoped it could in some way be repaired. But it would be forever scarred, changed. Tiny fissures, cracks stuck back together. It is how she feels, glued together, not by a solvent bonding agent. She is holding the parts together by the force of her will. Her exterior will show nothing to those that look, no thread thin scars of repair on show. They are there, out of sight, within, hidden. She knows how to hide, it was one of the first things she learnt as a child. To escape from the teasing, abandonment. While Jane was making pictures, dot to dots. She was learning to create the layered protection of Maura Isles. The perfect daughter, the genius. Hid the socially inadequate misfit. Until she reached her greatest creation; Maura Isles the chief medical examiner of Massachusetts. All of this, Jane, the hurt, pain, it has revealed too much, cut through the layers down to the truth. She is nothing more than a broken mirror, shards ragged, sharp, shifting. Her inner reflection is a spiders web image, distorted.

She closes the lid on the bin, walking away. Replacing the dustpan and brush in its place. Everything has a place in her world, neat, compartmentalized. Jane... Jane doesn't fit, she has never been able to find a slot to place her in. Jane is unpredictable untidy, her complete opposite. Yet Jane fills all the places she never knew were empty. Her eyes go to the cell phone, she wants it to sound an alert. Annoyed at her lack of control, she moves with purpose. Going upstairs, discarding her clothes into the laundry hamper. She pauses, looking down at the clothing. Part of her wants to pick them up again, throw them out. Jame's had touched her in them. He was a mistake from the start, she was lonely, needed the companionship she'd lost with Jane. But it wasn't the same. Normally she could separate her emotions from sex. But when they moved to the bed, there was no separation. She looks down at the pyjamas again. Another part wants to fold them away in a box, when in years to come, to open and remember. Remember the moment Jane kissed her, proclaimed her want, need, finally chose her.

Her body burns with it. She exhales, turning away from the hamper. Going to the basin, looking into to the mirror above. She studies her reflection, there is no spider web flaws to see. She traces across her freckles, she never liked them as a child, just another thing to be teased about. Jane changed their meaning, made them special. She takes a deep breath, hand dropping to turn on the tap, her actions now are repetitive like every other morning. She pauses about to put the toothbrush and paste into her mouth... It will erase the taste of Jane. She shakes her head at herself. Shoving the brush in, scrubbing, completing the required time for optimum oral hygiene. Task complete, she turns, stepping into the shower, sliding the door shut. Even as the water cascades over her skin, warm, welcoming. She feels disjointed, not from this world. Her body is humming, alive, aware. Every follicle, nerve is pulsing as water touches. She pushes her wet hair back, tilting her face to the spray, eyes closed tight. It would be so easy to give over to the arousal stripping away her mind. She gasps as the spray hits her breasts, turning her back. She will not give in to this. She washes her hair quickly, foregoing the full conditioning. Cleans her body roughly, not pausing anywhere that will make this want worse.

She steps out, turning the shower off. Grabbing a towel to twist around her hair. Another to rub the wetness from her skin. She takes the robe from the back of the door, heading into the bedroom as she pulls it on. She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at her trembling hands. Her physical responses are out of her control. She's failing the test. She doesn't believe Jane will return. Hands cover her face.

The ringing from her cell downstairs has her up so fast she trips. Taking the stairs down in a rush. She's trembling so much the cell slips from her hands on the first grab. The second one holds. She presses answer without even checking.

''Hello?'' She's gasping air like a floundering fish. No answer comes, she pulls the phone away to see the ID, but it's caller unknown. ''This is Maura isles.''

''You won...''

''I'm... I'm sorry.'' Recognition flutters, but unable to place.

''Got what you wanted didn't you.''

Air draws through her teeth in a hiss. ''Casey?''

''Yeah... Bet you didn't think you'd be hearing from me.''

She doesn't know how to handle this. ''No.''

''She left me. Gave the ring back.''

Oh god... Oh god.

''But you know that.''

She can't answer because she didn't know, didn't trust.

''You fucked us up. Ruined us. She was going to marry me. Jesus Christ... Are you happy now?''

''I...'' No. No. She is not happy.

''If I thought I had a chance I'd be fucking calling her! So guess you're my second choice now.''

She winces. ''Casey... I...''

''No... No. She chose me... Why couldn't you just leave? You didn't need your fucking job. There was nothing to stay for.''

All he is saying is true. Except the last. She stayed because she had no where else to go. ''I never meant for any of this to happen.''

''Shit... That's it? That's all you got? No, I'm sorry? No, I wish it were different?''

She pulling her protection back around. His anger is raw, filled with hurt. ''Casey... I am sorry. But I don't think there is any thing I can say that will make a difference to you.''

''You got that fucking right... Damn it. I... I don't even know why the hell I'm calling you.''

She stands taller. Facing whatever he will say to her. ''Why don't you just say what you obviously need too.''

He snorts. ''Oh, I got a whole lot of some things to say to you and not one of them is going to be polite.''

She inhales, preparing. The line crackles, hearing laboured breathing. The silence continues. She is just about to ask if he is still there, when he speaks.

''You know what?''

The anger has gone. She has to strain to hear him. ''What?''

''I can't blame you. I want too, but I can't. It was inevitable really.''

''Inevitable that I hurt...''

He cuts her off. ''For falling in love with her.''

She needs to sit down. She goes to the chair, sitting.

''You do love her right?''

''Yes.'' Her love has never been in question. It is the rest that is.

''Yeah... I should hate you.''

''That would be very understandable.'' She wants to hang up. But she can't, she owes him this, to face him.

''I thought I was good for her.''

Her eyes flicker closed. She can hear his pain. ''Casey... I ''

''Don't say you're fucking sorry, not for loving her.''

She tries to cover the trembling in her voice. ''I'm sorry that you were hurt because of it.''

''Christ... You actually mean that.''

''I do.''

Some of his anger returns. ''You know if you were a guy, I'd be over there punching you in the face.''

Her reply comes quickly, forced bravado over the fear in her throat. ''Then in this instance it is another reason I am glad to be female. With your body mass and extensive training it would cause a lot of facial damage.''

The laugh he gives bursts from him in a choked sob. ''Shit...''

She waits for him to regain control ''Casey. I never meant any of this to happen.''

''Me either.''

''Jane has complicated my life, beyond my control.''

''She has a habit of doing that.''

She hears the smile in his voice. A small one of her own answers. Jane will always be their common ground. ''Yes, She does.''

''She's probably on the way back to you.''

She looks to the door. Even now she doesn't truly believe. ''Perhaps.''

''When I asked her to marry me it wasn't an ultimatum.''

Her attention comes back to him fully. ''What?''

''It's what you thought isn't it? What everyone thinks?''

''I cannot say what everyone else thought. But yes, I did.''

''Yeah. I guess it looked that way. But it wasn't... All I ever wanted to do was join the Marines. Serve my country. First time I stepped into the compound I felt like I belonged... I re-enlisted each time because I never saw myself doing anything else. It was everything to me.''

Her mind is processing. ''I don't understand?'' His exhale is loud in her ear.

''Being a soldier, it was my life... I proposed to her, hoping she'd see.''

The information comes together and she bows her head. Misjudging him. ''You were showing her, she was more important than the life you loved.''

''Yeah. Back fired though. Because I'm not important to her. You are.''

''Oh, Casey.'' She rubs at her forehead, barely keeping her voice level. He does love her, she had never been sure before. It makes this all so much worse.

''I can't hate you, Maura. Because I understand. She's screwed this up. Should of done it differently. But yeah, that's Jane. Act and then deal... She's hurt both of us. Me. But, ….. Shit... I guess I'm trying to say make this all worth it, Maura, the pain. Don't give up.''

She cannot understand. She was not this gracious to him. ''Why are you doing this? After she hurt you, I hurt you?''

''Fuck if I know. Wasn't my original idea of calling. Thought I'd be calling you names by now, make me feel better. But it won't... nothing will.''

He's crying, and her own tears fall. ''I can't... trust... her. '' her truth is finally given voice.

''Yeah... I get it... She's damaged us both...'' his voice cracks. ''I know you can't lie.''

She can hear he is barely keeping it together now. ''I can lie, however I display symptoms. Hives, dizziness.''

''Not a lot of help to me on the phone.''

She pulls the towel from her head. Running fingers through wet hair. Suddenly angry. This could all have been avoided if Jane had not run. This pain, this devastation. ''You wish to ask me a question?''

''Yeah.''

She pauses, hearing what ever this is, it is important. ''Would it help if I promised to not lie?''

''I guess.''

''Casey... Ask? I won't lie to you.''

''You two weren't fucking around behind my back, right?''

She expected it. ''No. We were not. Jane and I have never been sexual intimate. Up until last night I had not even spent time with her for over four months.'' The prickle of hives are worth it. She can do this one thing for him, spare him the information of the kiss.

His exhale is relief. ''Okay. Jane said, but...I don't believe anything she says right now... I needed to know that... it... it all wasn't all lies.''

It's instant her reply. ''It wasn't... She Lo...''

''Don't.''

''Okay.'' She just breathes.

''I... You can tell her or not about this, up to you.''

''What will you do?'' She cares, she really does, because she has been where Casey is now.

''Not sure. I... I need to go.''

Before she can say anything, he has hung up. She's crying, because she holds the guilt jointly with Jane in this. The responsibility of hurting someone else.

She goes to place the cell down, the icon at the top catching her eye. A text had come in during the call. She opens it.

**On way back. I need you. J x**

She stares at the words. She can count on one hand the times Jane has admitted she needed something, someone, twice to her before, now three. But its impact is lessened by what has just transpired with Casey. Where now do they go? Does Jane jump from one bed to another so easily? The answer is with her, the out come. What she can give Jane. Jane has left Casey because of her. It's a crushing weight. She expected to feel lighter, joyous, happy. She isn't. Is this the toll to Charon to gain paradise? It is too high... Too high. She stares down at the message again.

**On way back. I need you. J x**

She's won, yet she feels like she's lost something important within. Her life has never been this complicated, this painful. Everything she has ever wanted is within her reach. Jane, she loves Jane. But is it enough? What comes next from family and friends? She is in essence the other woman, the destroyer of a soon to be marriage. How will they judge her? How will they judge Jane? Can they really get past the hurt, the broken parts of them? Can she? Her tears have dried, no more to shed. She breathes calmly, her mind returning to normal. Options shifting like data from a computer. Evidence gathered, forensics provided. Fear is a hard master to conqueror. The taste of it is almonds on her tongue, poison. But what has she got if she gives into the fear? Nothing. Which is what she had to begin with. To take a chance for more, risk what is left of her. Is the unknown worth it? How can she trust when she cannot even answer these questions. Here now, this place, the choices made by Jane sealed this fate. But there are now two roads, each a way forward. One with Jane, another without. For once she has the deciding choice. Her control is returned.

She looks to see what time the message was sent: 09:33. Allowing for the time she missed the message, traffic, Jane's habit of breaking speeding limits. She assess Jane will be here within the next twenty one minutes. She knows what she has to do. She rises, lifting the wet towel, moving towards the stairs. Pressing the keypad of her phone, placing it to her ear as she ascends to her bedroom.

It answers.

''Darling, what a wonderful surprise.''

''Hello, Mother. I need your help.''

* * *

><p>AN

Before you scream and send the villagers with torches and pitchforks; Yelling ''burn the witch. burn the witch' or the word that rhymes with witch. Please note the... Part One... Ahuh. Part Two to follow. As always thank you for reviews, and pms.

tc x


	7. Taste Part Two

See previous disclaimers. I'm still alive. no burning at the stake... Yet.

Part two of Taste. In the Senses Series.

Jane Pov

Enjoy.

* * *

><p><strong>Taste.<strong>

Part Two.

Her eyes go to her mothers house. Praying to any god listening that she isn't there. Not yet, she needs to see Maura first. Then... Then she'll face her mother. She's sitting in the car, parked. Wanting to get out, wanting to stay in. The nail on her thumb is down to the quick the amount of times she's chewed on it. She is caught between the guilt of Casey and the want for Maura. But at this moment, what is rising is fear. She hadn't heard back from Maura. She didn't really expect too, but all the same it's now eating away at her. Tiny whispers of doubt. Her eyes go to Maura's door.

Get out of the damn car... Get out...

But still she sits. Her legs are jumping with nervous energy. She is in all aspects a total mess. God knows what she looks like. She smooths at her hair. Turning the rear view mirror to see her refection. Okay, shit...She looks as bad as she feels. She opens the glove compartment, hand searching. Pulling out the tissues. She wipes her eyes, blows her nose. Takes another look in the mirror. At least now she's not snotty. But yeah, still looks like shit. She's throws the tissues back in the compartment, slamming it shut. She doesn't realise she's chewing her nail again until the copper metallic taste hits her mouth. She grimaces. She checks her phone, still no text. She has to believe Maura is still there, otherwise she hasn't one idea what she'll do.

Only one way to find out. She opens the car door, getting out. Walking away as she slams it shut. Locking by remote, the beep beep echoing. She's standing before the door. Does she use the key? Or knock? If she knocks and Maura doesn't answer. Is she doing it because she doesn't want her? Or she's not here? Does she have the right to use the key now? Maura gave it, so surely she does? Shut up...

''Oh, for Christ sake.'' Taking a breath. She knocks. The minutes pass. She knocks again getting more and more nervous.

The door opens. She can do nothing but breathe again. She's remind of the first time she'd come here. When Hoyt was back. Came here for safety, because she didn't know where else to go. Here she is again. She lets her eyes take Maura in. A smile twitches. She remembers. ''Why do you always look like you're ready for a photo shoot?'

Maura startles in surprise. The small smile that grows tells her Maura remembers too.

''It seems we have come full circle, Jane. Although, what I am wearing would hardly be adequate for a photo shoot.''

She lets her eyes travel, honey hair pulled into a pony tail. Jade, Chinese style shirt. The colour adding to hazel eyes watching. Down to tight form fitting dark blue jeans. All the way down to what she knows must be choo choo, black tip toe shoes. She lets her gaze come back up slowly. For anyone else the whole outfit would be their best, for Maura, casual. It makes her smile. ''Maura. Believe me it's adequate and then some.''

A blushing Maura looks away, clearing her throat. ''Are you coming in?''

She sighs, hating Maura has to ask and not know. ''Yes.''

Maura nods, turning, leading the way. She enters, closing the door, following. She's isn't sure why she feels something isn't right.

''Casey, called me.''

She actually stumbles on air. Eyes widening. ''What? He did what?''

''He just needed to talk.''

''I... What did he say?'' She's trying to see if Maura is upset. Her feeling of unease grow as she realises Maura is in, M.E. Mode. Closed.

''It doesn't matter. I just didn't want to keep it from you.''

She's gonna kills him. ''He didn't... he didn't hurt you? Because if he did I swear to god, I'm going back over there.''

''Jane... He didn't. But it made me realise exactly what I am responsible for.''

She needs to be closer, so she moves. But Maura turns, expanding the distance. ''Wait... This isn't your fault, Maura. It's mine.''

''You cannot hold sole responsibility. If I hadn't told you my feelings, you would be married by now.''

No... no no no no no. ''Jesus Christ. Didn't you listen to anything I said last night?... I wouldn't. Or if I did it wouldn't have worked. I'd end up divorced.''

''Perhaps.''

Her fists clench. ''Perhaps nothing. As much as this is my fuck up with you. This still would have happened with Casey. Don't you think I'd be the one to know?''

''You cannot know. Without my involvement. You may have worked. Had children. A life, Jane.''

''I don't know what the hell he said to you? You're making it sound like I should go right back over there to him and start breeding.'' She isn't sorry for the harsh words, because it gets her a flinch from Maura. She'd gotten through. ''Is that what you're telling me you want? Go right back to him?''

''No, no. I don't want that.''

She exhales. Hands relaxing. ''Glad we got that sorted...'' She slumps into the nearest chair. Thinking what the hell just happened? Her heart is doing jumping jacks. Her eyes follow Maura as she sits. ''What's going on?'' It doesn't bode well when Maura looks down, avoiding her gaze. ''Maura?''

''I need you to listen. Just listen.''

She sits up. ''Okay.''

'You hurt me.''

Her mouth opens, but she snaps it shut as Maura looks at her, expectation on her face she will interrupt. She stays silent.

Maura continues. ''At this moment in time. I do not trust you will not do it again.''

This being quiet is harder than she thought. But she does it. Finally Maura meets her eyes.

''I love you.''

She swallows hard. She hopes she never gets used to what it does to her hearing Maura say that. She smiles. Which falters as Maura looks down.

''Everything that has happened, we both had a part in it. I have to believe it was for a good reason. But it is so hard to deal with.''

She's itching to say something. That it will be okay. She'll prove it. She watches as Maura stands, this time pacing.

''What comes next depends on you and I. Mostly me. Because you have stated your intentions. That you want me. To prove you can be trusted again.''

She nods as Maura looks at her.

''But there are others involved in all this, Jane. Your mother, our friends, work colleagues. They will all think the same, that something was going on betweens us the whole time you were with him. I broke up your relationship.''

She can't stay quiet on that one. ''Maura. It wasn't you.''

''Do you wish a relationship with me?''

She nods, voice filled with conviction. ''Yes, you know I do.''

''We should date, yes?''

''Of course. I told you that.'' That makes her sit up.

''Today? Tomorrow? Next week?''

''Whenever you say yes. I'm there. You know I want you. I'm there, Maura. There.'' Her mouth is dry.

''Did you have sex with Casey on Monday?''

Her mouth falls open, her brain actually blinked a short circuit. ''What?''

''We should go to dinner tomorrow. Italian?''

''Maura, what the hell!?'' She's trying to sort through the quick fire questions. Brain catching up.

''You had sex with Casey on Monday Ended your relationship two hours ago and now you wish to date me. What in the hell do you think people will think of me?!''

Anger sparks so fast, she actually shifts to stand. ''I don't give a shit what people think.. The rest are not important in this. I only care what you think.''

''I'm thinking how quickly you jump from one relationship to another. I do not want to be another mistake you make.''

She slumps back into the chair. Feeling like she'd been punched. ''Damn it, Maura. You know that isn't it. I should have said yes to you first. Casey was the mistake.''

''You didn't.''

''I know.'' She pulls at her hair. This is going around in circles. Spiralling into a black hole of nothing. She looks up, swallowing. ''Is this your way of telling me to get lost.''

''No. This is my way of telling you, I **am** lost.''

She moves to rise. Maura shakes her head, moving to retake her seat. Hazel eyes come up, but there is no tears. She isn't sure what the hell to do. So she waits, while Maura composes herself. She waits.

''My entire life I have been ridiculed, made fun of. When I came here to Boston, it was the same. Queen of the dead... You made the difference. Took me out of the lab, added me to your life. Because of that, Jane. Others took a second look, took the time to actually know me, changed their opinions. During my time here, I have gained friends, family. Become a different person. But most of all I have gained respect... I am not prepared for how they see me now, how they will judge. I'm not ready to hear the whispering, or the comments begin. What has happened between us has stripped me of any defence to do so.''

''Not everyone is going act that way. The ones that matter won't.'' She wants to cry. She's done this.

''I am not just talking about them in this. They are a repercussion that I will gladly face. What I am trying to tell you I cannot do it right now.''

She frowns. ''It? Or us?.''

''I need time.''

She's got that feeling again, the one in her gut. She isn't going to like this. 'Time?''

''Yes.''

She can't sit still now. She stands. ''You're not talking about time here in Boston... Are you?''

''No.''

Fuck... She's lost her. She's lost Maura. Panic comes out as anger. ''So that's it? You're the one running now. After it all, you're just going to leave and do what Maura? What? Let me tell you running doesn't fucking work. It solves nothing... nothing! I should know I'm the living proof of it. Don't you think I'm scared? Don't you know I'm terrified to face Ma.. To see and hear what she thinks of me... But what scares me the most is that even after leaving Casey, I've still lost you!''

''Jane.''

She to lost in her rant to stop now. ''I fucked it up... I did! And no matter what I do, I can't prove to you I'm not just jumping from one bed to another. You think it was easy for me to hurt him like that? Really hurt him. He did nothing and I'm the one who just did that. But I had too. Had too. Maura... Because I should have said yes to you! I don't know what he said, but this was not you... This was me. Anyone! And I mean anyone who says one thing about you. I'll set them straight. Me! It was me! I can't prove to you, that you're the one I want when you're not fucking here!''

''Jane... Stop!''

''Don't you get it. You ca...mpfffft...'' Hands grab her face and lips attach to her mouth before she can even register Maura moving.. The kiss steals her words, stills her anger, stills her breath. She just stands, shocked, liquid heat. Arms down by her sides. But her mouth knows what to do, it answers. Her eyes slip closed as if doing so will enhance the feelings. The kiss ends. Hands are still holding her face. Eyes flicker open, out of focus.

''Will you please shut up.''

All motor skills are off line. She can only stare.

''Are you listening?''

She has enough left of her senses to nod.

''I am not running.''

She nods again. Dazed, lost. Tasting. Breathing.

''It may look that way, but I am not.''

She nods again. Which is answered by an amused smile from Maura.

''We went from friends, to heart break, too this. I thought I had lost you. I was preparing my life for that fact. You not in my life. Each day was horrible. But I was doing it...''

She leans into the caress on her cheek. Motor skills coming back on line. Senses returning.

''Now, now I have you in my life again. So fast, Jane, all so fast. I am trying to believe in it. I have gone over everything, each phase of this. I need to believe in you first. I need to know the truth of us... But you took my choices away.''

Maura steps back, hands dropping from her face. It's cold. ''Maura... I.''

''I'm taking my choice back... I talked to my mother. I needed to know if our family home in the Keys was available.''

She coughs. ''You own a house in the Florida Keys?''

''Jane.'' Maura's exhale in annoyance.

''Right, not the point, got it. Shutting up. Listening.''

''Thank you... It is available and with my mothers help, I have made arrangements to go there.''

She jerks.

''…... I have called the medical board and requested emergency leave. Dr Arnold, as of now has taken over my position for next two weeks.''

The sudden loss hits her like a brick. She has to look away to just breathe.

''Jane, please look at me.''

She does not want to. She can't see the goodbyes. Can't.

''Please. Jane.''

But she can't ignore the pull on her. Her jaw clenches, muscles jumping. She looks.

''I want you to come with me.''

''Huh?'' Did a house just fall on her?

Maura steps closer. ''I want you to come with me.''

''Wha...at?'' her voice is a squeak. Letters stuck somewhere in her throat.

''You said just us. Jane... You are right.''

She was right? Huh? About what?

''We can not do this here. Not at this moment. There will be to many people voicing their opinions. Your guilt for Casey my guilt. Everything around us is going to be a reminder. How can we hear each other above it all? How can we have a chance?... We need to be somewhere that is just us. A place to sort through everything, no interference. I chose some where close, so there is no major travelling time, no visa's needed. We can be there early tomorrow morning. Mother has offered the Isles foundation jet to take us. I accepted.''

She is dizzy with it all. She leans on the chair edge. Caught between the aftermath of fear of losing and hearing she hasn't. Oh god damn. Shit. She is dizzy. ''Jet? Private jet?''

Maura nods. ''Mother travels all over the world on behalf of the Isles foundation. She deemed it economically prudent to own a private jet.''

She snorts. ''Of course she did... Jesus... Okay, just wait a sec.'' Breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Her mind is shifting. Thinking. She blows out air. Well, life with Maura is never gonna be boring. She looks, seeing how nervous Maura is, but seeing at the same time the steadiness of the gaze. It steadies her. ''All the things you're worried about. Those things are still going to be here in two weeks time. You think they're going to be whispering about you now, what the hell do you think they're going to be saying if we just run off together? You thought of that?''

''Yes, I have. I meant what I said. I can't deal with them now... But I will when I return. I have thought very seriously about all of this. There is also one thing more to consider. Can you honestly tell me you could be focused in your job? I could barely do it when we weren't seeing each other. Now with us having no answers, in this limbo of not knowing, it would be impossible for me. We work in an environment where loss of focus makes mistakes. For me a mistake is in missing something on a body. For you Jane it's much more dangerous. I do not want to make any more mistakes. Do you?''

Maura means this, she can see it. It settles on her, calming, sure. She stares. They are locked together. Maura is waiting, waiting for her again. She knows the answer. She has never been more sure of anything in her life. She straightens, gaze never leaving Maura's. Pulling the cell from her hip. Dialling.

''Jane? Who are y...''

She holds up a finger, silencing her. The phone answers. ''Captain.''

''Rizzoli?''

''Yes sir. I'm sorry to call you on your Saturday off.''

''Must be important. Make it good you got five minutes.''

''I need to take some personal time.''

Maura's smile is the breaking dawn. She reaches taking her hand. Holding it tight.

''What's going on Rizzoli? Is everything okay?''

She takes a breath. ''Not really, I would appreciate if you won't tell anyone this. I broke off my engagement... to Casey today.'' Maura squeezes her hand. She clears her throat of the emotion it brings. ''... I need to sort this all out. I know it's short notice. But I still have vacation time due. I'd like to request two weeks.''

''I'm sorry to hear about you and Casey, Rizzoli. But two weeks?''

''Yes sir. I need to just get away and sort things out.'' The song 'Leaving on a jet plane.' suddenly sounds in her head. She wants to giggle.

''This have anything with the the fact i got an email, telling me Dr Isles taking a sudden vacation for exactly fourteen days?''

She wasn't expecting him to know so fast. ''Ah... It's complicated. But yes it does.''

He scoffs. ''Complicated. I bet it is... I suppose you want it to start right away?''

''Yes sir.'''

''Not to get into your personal shit. I don't want dramas in my precinct, Rizzoli. This isn't going to be happening every time you and Casey have a problem? Or anyone you work with?''

''Casey and I are over. As for the people I work with.'' Her eyes go to Maura. ''…..I'm fixing it''

''What cases are active?''

''We just finished paperwork on the Shaw case. The only one open is the Jarvis case..''

''Jarvis? That the one you think was a drug deal gone wrong?''

''We're waiting for narcotics to get back to us. But yeah, I'm pretty sure his mule killed him. John Guston. Frost has the follow up on him.''

The hold on her hand tightens. It makes her look up and smile.

''Okay... Fine. I'll handle the paperwork. Detail Burton to help Frost out...Go sort out your head. As of now you're off the active list. But believe me when I say when you get back, you're weekends for the next three months aren't free.''

She grins at Maura, nodding. Maura's smile is instant.

''I understand. Thank you... Thank you, sir.''

''You need to tell Korsak and Frost. I'm not having them beating me up over where the hell you are. And for the love of god, tell your mother.''

''I'll do that.''

''Two weeks Rizzoli. A day over I'll have your ass.''

She ends the call. Bubbling with it. She replaces the cell at her hip. Looking at their joined hands, until she raises her gaze. They are just looking at each other. How many times have they done this over all the years? Just stare at each other.

Maura takes a step closer. ''So, is that a yes?''

She pauses, trying to hide the grin that wants out. ''Let me think. Private jet?''

Maura nods.

''Florida keys?''

Maura nods again.

''Secluded house?''

''I never said it was secluded. But you are correct.''

''I don't know, Maur.''

She almost hates herself when Maura's smile slips.

''You don't know?''

She keeps a very straight face. ''I'm not sure I have anything to wear.'' She waits, biting her lip. Maura mouth drops. Oh, that was so worth it. But the hit to her shoulder is hard, fast. Making her yelp. Her hand is thrown from Maura's. ''Ow. Shit ….. You hit me.''

''You are lucky I hit your shoulder. You are not funny. Not everything is a joke.''

Jane catches her arm. ''Wait... I know it isn't... Yes. Yes. I'll go with you. God, yes.'' She sees now, they haven't reached the place of jokes. ''I'm sorry... What time do we leave?'' she can see Maura is still pissed. She points to herself. ''Infuriating, remember?''

Maura scoffs. ''One among a long list.''

She grins. ''What time, Maur?''

''The plane is ready for Seven tonight..''

''Okay... I can be ready for then.'' It will be tight, but she'll do it. Talk to her mother, frost. Korsak. All of it.

''Jane. If you need more time I won't think you are stalling. I know you have to talk to your mother. But The jet is only available tonight. My mother offered it and I accepted without thinking of what you need to do. We could just as easily book a commercial flight for tomorrow or later. Or if you prefer I could fly on my own and you could come...''

''Stop... I'll be ready. Boston Logan?''

''Terminal A. Gate 12. Departure is for 7-30. Because we have our own jet, we can land in Marathon instead of Key West. So the travel time is only twenty minutes to reach the island.''

''Wait... You own... own an island?''

Maura laughs. ''No. The Isles family has had a house on Crawl Key since the 1900's.''.

''Crawl. Really? They couldn't name it something less boring.''

''It is named after the pens they use to keep turtles in. A Dutch word. Kraals.. Crawl, is simply the English translation.''

She's grinning. ''Thank you, Google. So, like Sea world? Cool, can we see um? Visit some of Bass's relatives.''

Maura narrowed eyes. Makes her grin expand.

''You know very well Bass is a tortoise. The pens is where they would keep them until they butchered them for their meat to make soup.''

She shudders, her grin slipping to disgust. ''Really? And you go there? I thought you'd have boycotted it and started a petition to save um.''

''It is part of the history of the island. Jane. A part I admit I do not like very much. But the island itself is very beautiful and they stopped keeping the turtles in the 1970's. Now it is part of the national parks and heritage society... I spent time there as a child with my parents. It is one of my fondest memories. Besides I …...''

''Okay, besides what?'' Oh, this is gonna be good. Maura looks as close to a sheep as anyone can get. Still no answer. ''Besides?''

''I may have donated a seizable contribution to the turtle hospital set up in Marathon.''

She barks a laugh. ''Of course you did.'' The embarrassment creeping on Maura, makes her soften her tone. ''Hey.'' She waits till Maura looks up. ''I'm looking forward to seeing it. Somewhere you were as a child... But, just so I know. You're not intending something sinister with those pens are you? Rizzoli soup''

''Jane. Do you think as chief medical examiner, knowing what I know of bodies and forensic and crimes. If I wanted you dead and disposed of. I would need to take you to an island to do it?''

Maura's face is totally serious. Paybacks are a bitch. ''Wow, shit. That's creepy. Maur.'' Maura smile is smug. ''You're really gonna just whisk me off to an island?'' She's grinning like a Cheshire cat. Her gaze drops, zeroing in on Maura's lips as she bites it.

''Yes. I believe I am.''

''Cool.'' She feels like a little kid. She has to focus beyond the urge to kiss. There are things she needs to do, in the right order. First things first. She takes a deep breath. ''As much as I want to stay right here with you. I need to go talk to Ma. Get packed.''

''I know. I have still to pack as well...What will you tell her?''

''I don't want to put any pressure on you. by something I say to Ma.''

''Jane. I asked you to come with me. I put the pressure on you. Tell her what you need too''

She really doesn't want to bring Maura into her mothers line of fire. ''All of it? You, Casey, my fuck up. That I'm trying to fix this and we're going away to sort things out... You ready for my mother knowing how I feel about you?''

''I do not want to lie to her, or keep things from her again. It was so hard to do so. Yes. I'm ready.''

''She's gonna be mad.'' Might even disown me. She swallows.

''Your mother does not handle secrets well.''

She grins. ''Understatement.''

Maura steps closer. ''She loves you, Jane.''

She nods. She's never doubted it. She wants to reach and take Maura's hand. But she knows if she does she won't be able to leave. ''Thank you.'' Maura's frown is adorable. Who's she kidding, anything Maura does is adorable.

''What are you thanking me, for?''

She steps closer, hand brushing across Maura's cheek. Loving the fact Maura sighs and her eyes flicker. ''Thank you, for being you.''

''Who else would I be?''

Jane bites her lip not to laugh. ''Okay then, thank you for donating to save the turtles.''

Maura's laugh is a firework display of lights. She wants to just sit and watch and hear it for hours. She leans in, pausing half way, watching Maura's eyes. Waiting. Maura bridges the gap, crossing the abyss. Their lips meet. It is the taste of infinite possibilities. Of healing. Of believing. Of new beginnings. Of a chance of more.

She has to step away now, or she will be lost in this. She steps back... another step, walking backwards. Tripping over the coffee table, having to twist to regain balance. Maura is hiding her smile behind her hand, trying not to laugh. ''Okay... I'm... Yeah. Going... Ma.. Frost. Korsak... Pack... Going... kiss,'' Did she say kiss? ''miss. Not kiss... won't **miss** the plane.''

Maura is laughing at her, not hiding her amusement any more and she doesn't give a shit.

''Don't forget arrangements for Joe.''

It should annoy the hell out of her Maura's voice is filled with mirth. But it doesn't because she doesn't even know how to walk. Let alone know how to be annoyed. Maura's kiss steals everything she's ever learned in her life. ''Right...Joe... pack.'' She stops, door open, making sure Maura is looking at her. ''I'll be there.''

Maura nods. ''I believe you.''

She grins. It's a start, a small one. Maura believes. She wont' screw this up. ''Right... right, Going for real... Leaving...'' She forces herself to turn and walk out. Shutting the door and heading to her car.

She's bouncing, each step a spring. She's ferking, Tigger... boingggggg boinggggggg. She laughs. It bubbles up and out like helium. ''Holy shit. I'm going to an island with Maura. On a private fucking jet!''

.

* * *

><p>This is the end of the Sense's Series.<p>

But fear not, it will continue in a whole new Rizzoli Isles Series. Coming Soon.

* * *

><p>Thank you all for reviews, pm's. Questions, opinions. I am humbled by you all. As for the character Frost The loss of the actor playing him will forever be a sadness. So in my world both are still with us. If that makes it Au. So be it.<p>

Just so you know, I had no clue where I was sending them. When I was looking for destination for Maura, Crawl came up. It was perfect. Then as I read, I found the connection to turtles. It seemed fitting. Then I found out about the Turtle hospital and the whole thing came together with the characters and the dialogue.

Sometimes I scare myself.

Shhhhhh. Can you hear that... ''burn the witch. burn the witch.'' Oh no. And one of um has stones!

rut ro. later. gotta go.

tc xx


	8. Authors note

Hi all. The story now continues in Newtons Laws. Now posted.

Thank you


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